What a Fine Mess(i) We've Made

Lionel is here. Will he walk on the Ohio?

Sporting News

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The Messi(ah) has arrived.

Lionel Messi will appear in Cincinnati tonight at 7 and lo, The Bailey flock will be there to greet him, praise him and maybe wash his feet. Rumors that have Messi walking across the Ohio River to TQL Stadium are unconfirmed. Maybe he’ll just arrive in the back seat of a chariot.

“Think Taylor Swift meets Beatlemania,’’ wrote the Enquirer’s soccer maven, Pat Brennan.

Messi will change in a phone booth.

"We know that this guy [Messi] is magical," Chris Moramarco, a founding member of Miami's Vice City 1896 supporters group told ESPN.com. "We've seen him do it over and over. We see that his intensity doesn't drop. It doesn't matter who he's playing for. This is what he does.

"You can see that this guy transcends culture, nationalities. And I think that's the beauty of what we're about to witness."

Bring your water jugs, dudes and dudesses. Tell Messi you prefer merlot.

As of Wednesday morning, a seat in Section 214 would set you back $284, without fees, which seems a fair price to pay to witness a miracle. If you think Wednesday night’s gonna be special, just wait until Saturday. (That’s the Third Day, Bible scholars.)

Are you done, Doc? Just because you don’t love soccer doesn’t mean you have to make fun of it. You’re just showing your ignorance.

Fair enough.

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Coincidence has indeed smiled on our little burg. A month ago, less than no one would have predicted that FC Cincinnati would make the US Open Cup semis and host a home game that would feature the greatest futbol player of his time or maybe any other time.

That’s exactly what happened. Our plucky little side has barnstormed its way through the MLS regular season and is two Ws away from its biggest prize ever. Inter Miami FC made itself over with Messi and a few other notables, to go from MLS footwipes to winners of the just-ended Leagues Cup.

Is there no end to the conga-line of in-season tournaments in MLS? This Cup, that Cup. Blokes leaving their MLS clubs to play in some far-flung world affair for their home sides. You need a Fodor’s guide to keep up with it all.

But we digress.

Imagine the Reds acquiring Shohei and Scherzer at the trade deadline. That’s a little like what Miami did.

What it means for us is an unexpected boost in exposure. Deion was Household; we’re Global. At least for a night. The game’s on TV around the world. Little kids in Bologna will wake up at 1 AM to marvel at the twin miracles of Messi and the Gold Star on Mitchell Avenue. “I love this Cincinnati,’’ they will exclaim. One day, I go there.’’

In Miami’s recent Leagues Cup title run, Messi scored 10 goals in seven games. Miami scored 20 goals, total. That’s two fewer than it scored in 18 regular-season matches, before the tournament. In Europe, Messi’s a superstar. In the MLS, he’s bigger than that. Loaves and fishes for everyone!

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If you’re unable to catch Messi, no worries. Saint Joe Burrow will be back for the Bengals home opener. Good seats near the altar are still available.

Now, then. . .

REDS LAID LO. . . First, Hunter Greene gets obliterated in his return from hurt. Next, Nick Lodolo re-hurts his leg. The cavalry that was supposed to lead the local charge into September is stuck on the Jersey Turnpike somewhere outside Secaucus.

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It stinks, sure. But no one predicted the Club would be this far along, right? We’ll always have June.

It was said in This Space, in the midst of the 12-game frivolity, that the Reds success was a house of cards. Pitching rules the game and Cincinnati had no aces. The team’s deadline decision to hold on to its prospects sealed the deal. Even the people upstairs weren’t willing to bet on their team, if it meant losing the unproven likes of Noelvi Marte. (How in the world could the Reds possibly compete without Noelvi Marte?)

The Reds weren’t All In. They were Small In, ie, content to play it safe because, you know, we don’t dream big if big dreaming impacts our future that might or might not arrive.

So, the Club heads into winnin’ time with a rotation of Ashcraft, Greene, Abbott and Other Dudes. If this seems a betrayal of the work and enthusiasm put in this summer by the boys on the field, well, just wait until Edwin Arroyo gets here.

Kinda cynical today, Boss.

Guilty.

WHAT CLIMATE CHANGE? The NYTimes wrote about good places to live as our world turns into a toaster oven. Cincinnati made the list!

The Midwest generally is a good place to experience the manmade misery that is starting to cover us in a carbon shroud:

It is inland, away from the rising, hotter oceans and seas that will cause more floods and more intense hurricanes. Midwestern states are farther north than many others, with naturally lower temperatures. The Great Lakes and surrounding rivers provide reliable sources of water, preventing some of the worst effects of drought.

The second factor is the ability to take in newcomers, climate refugees or not. Does the area have enough affordable housing? Are residents welcoming to outsiders? Are local and state governments preparing for population increases? If the answer to at least some of these questions is yes, you may have found yourself a potential destination.

Detroit, Cincinnati and Buffalo, N.Y., are common examples. They are in regions with more climate-friendly geography. Their populations have shrunk by the hundreds of thousands since the 1950s, leaving them with both a desire to bring people back and many empty buildings that could be turned into housing.

That could be the first time we’ve been lumped in with Detroit and Buffalo and have it be seen as a good thing. Fire up some coal plants, kids. We’re protected.

STICK TO SPORTS. . . A shop owner in California was murdered Friday, apparently because she’d hung a rainbow Pride flag outside her clothing store. NYTimes:

It was unclear whether the shooting, which occurred near Lake Arrowhead in Cedar Glen, was being investigated as a hate crime, and additional details of what preceded the attack were not available on Sunday.

Sheriff’s Department officials said at a news conference on Monday that they were still investigating the motivation of the shooter, who was a Cedar Glen resident.

He “yelled many homophobic slurs toward Carleton” before the attack, the police said, and had posted content on social media that was critical of law enforcement and the L.G.B.T.Q. community.

The Pride flag hanging outside Mag.Pi was removed numerous times by different people since the store opened two years ago, Ari Carleton said.

Who the F do we think we are in this country?

It doesn’t matter what you think about people who are Different From You. You are not free to act violently on those thoughts. You don’t have that right.

It amazes-me-but-shouldn’t how folks who are the first to proclaim their rights and freedoms are too often the last to assume the responsibilities that come with those rights and freedoms.

I have a right to storm the capitol. I have a right to own ARs. I have a right to make you feel unsafe for being different than I am. I have a right to top secret documents. I have a right to say and do whatever I damned well please. I’m an American.

A woman is murdered for expressing support for LGBTQ folks. That ain’t the America I want to live in.

TUNE O’ THE DAY. . . Many of the mountain conversations my son Kelly and I have revolve around music. To his everlasting credit, my now 37-year-old always has had an open mind to different forms of tunes. Unlike his pops, who throws a soundproof blanket over almost all rap.

The topic was the groups or individuals who had the best three-album runs. The Beatles, naturally. Rubber Soul, Revolver, Sgt. Pepper. Beat that.

Stevie Wonder came up. Innervisions, Fulfullingness’ First Finale and Songs in the Key of Life. Good not great, IMO.

I’d take Marvin Gaye’s 3-disc run — What’s Goin’ On, Let’s Get it On, I Want You — over Stevie’s effort.

Brooooce’s Born To Run, Darkness on the Edge of Town and The River weren’t too shabby, either.

Who am I leaving out, Mobsters?

Meantime, here’s Stevie from another album, Hotter Than July. This one is immaculate and altogether lovely.