The NFL Draft is a Bloated Bore

But Bijan Robinson isn't. Should Bijan be a Bengal?

The newest Bengal?

Frequent Perusers know of my disaffection for the NFL Draft, so I won’t go there except to say I’d rather ram a knitting needle in one ear and out the other than watch 10 seconds of Roger Goodell onstage addressing the mouth-breathers at Union Station in Kansas City Thursday night. To say nothing of the millions of the rest of us, snoring at home.

(Is now the time for the Annual Bill Burr Draft Rant, Doc? Why yes, patrons, I believe it is.)

What did KC do to land the draft? Did Goodell get some bad barbecue at Arthur Bryant’s? Used to be, Madison Square Garden and Radio City Music Hall got all the fun. New York’s Finest would sweep the streets of Manhattan, round up every loudmouth, derelict sportsfan and give him a ticket to the draft. The only requirement was for the attendees to be as loud, boorish and misinformed as possible.

New Yorkers can certainly be all that, often at the same time.

Doc, you said you wouldn’t trash the draft.

Yeah. OK.

With the 28th pick in the 2023 NFL Draft, the Cincinnati Bengals select. . .

Bijan Robinson, running back, University of Texas.

OK, OK. I hear you. He won’t be available, RB is a passe (pronouned pass-ay, scholars) position, they need a tight end or a safety or a corner or an edge guy more. I know all that. How could I not? The heathen media have only been talking about the draft every day for a couple months.

But what if Robinson is still around?

The experts love him.

Here’s Robinson’s college coach, Steve Sarkisian, to Peter King:

He is an every-down back who can run between the tackles, can make people miss on the perimeter, is extremely difficult to get on the ground in space, and can run routes like receivers. He can catch the ball like a receiver. I think the game of the NFL is really fit for his skill set.

Last year at UT, Robinson averaged 6 yards a run and 16.5 yards a catch, for 19 catches. “He had the best hands on our team,’’ Sarkisian said.

I share the recent-years reticence to take a RB high. Their careers are often short, the game has passed them by. Decent ones are not hard to find. Howevuh. . .

There is some indication this guy could be special. More, there is every indication he could thrive in Joe Burrow’s offense. In fact, you could build a case that drafting Robinson would make unnecessary the need to take a top-tier tight end, say, Michael Mayer from Notre Dame.

With Burrow’s mind — and his ever-growing ability to get the ball out quickly — a tight end who can block becomes less important. And lordy, could you imagine three wides and Robinson? How about four wides and Robinson? We’re talkin’ Arena League nonsense, and I mean that in a good way. Pinball football.

How sexy is that?

Peter King makes another good point re a RB’s league lifespan:

All the anti-Bijan-Robinson-in-the-first-round folks, hear this: There’s this reticence to pick a running back in the first round because he might not be around for a second contract. Fact is, most first-round picks don’t sign second contracts. Per overthecap.com, 31 percent of first-round picks from 2011-’14 signed second contracts with teams, and well under half the players from 2011 to 2019 (the last year we’d be able to figure if first-rounders got second contracts) re-signed.

And by the way, The Men don’t have any proven NFL runners. My peeps tell me Joe Mixon’s Cincinnati home is for sale.

Mock drafts (worse than the real thing, if that’s possible) suggest Robinson will be gone before the Bengals are OnTheClock. Melifluous Mel Kiper, he of the patented Helmet Head, says Detroit will grab Bijan with Pick 18. Mel’s partner Todd McShay says the same.

Of NBC Sports’ three mockers, only one has Robinson coming to Cincinnati.

But Thursday, Robinson did tell Dan Patrick he has visited only two teams, Tampa and the Eagles. Robinson also said to Patrick that no team has said it will pick him if he’s still around when it is on the clock. Which suggests enthusiasm isn’t exactly peaking.

What say youse, Mobsters?

Is Robinson a bauble for a Bengals team that has greater needs elsewhere? Or might he be the irresistible force that moves the immovable objects on the way to the Super Bowl?

If he’s there, I say take him.

Now, then. . .

YEAH, BUT HE WAS A BUCKEYE, AND SINCE WHEN HAS A BUCKEYE QB DONE ANYTHING IN THE NFL?

NBC Sports guy Chris Simms says C.J. Stroud is the best quarterback in the draft.

“Stroud was the offense at Ohio State. Bryce Young ran the offense at Alabama. Stroud’s the best pure pocket passer in the draft. He’s big, he can make any type of throw you want, he’s got a great ability to process information. He’s as good as I’ve seen at making all the throws since Joe Burrow.”

(Fie on) Scott from Scott’s

ON SECOND THOUGHT, get me that knitting needle now. I can slam it through my anvils and stirrups, to say nothing of my hammers, and forever put an end to hearing Scott from Scott’s.

Did you know he’s household? Those freaking ads are seemingly everywhere MLB is on the radio, so we can’t blame the Reds for the ads’ omnipresence. Regardless, the man needs to go.

The Plague of Scott has reached pandemic proportions. How much sold fertilizer is needed to buy huge swaths of AM radio time from Bangor to Yuma? Maybe Arizona is spared that pseudo-Scottish brogue. Not much grass feeding needed in the desert. That possibility makes me wanna move to Winslow, AZ, and stand on a corner.

Did William Wallace feedhislawnfeedit? In between hacking the king’s army to pieces, did Braveheart take a few minutes to fill his spreader? Did Billy excuse himself from the latest beheading to hear the sounds of a healthy Scott’s lawn?

I can’t vivisect this British lad, Fiona. I’m feeding my lawn feeding it.

I’m thinking of living in an apartment or a rented yurt but even with that, I know some rent-a-serf will be feeding the common areas feeding them.

Ever been to Scotland? It’s as grey as your hair. No self-respecting Scot is worrying about how green his shire is. The sheep eat all the green anyway.

Oh, this plague of Scott from Scott’s.

Maybe Scott will retire soon, to a life of washing down his haggis with a fifth of Glenlivet. Or, better, do a vocal cord-ectomy on himself with a dull claymore. (That’s a Scottish sword, Klaus.)

Maybe I’ll use some Delta miles to fly to Edinburgh and do the job meself, laddie, bury Scott in the peat up to his fertilized neck and feedhimfeedhim to the worms.

Which of ye is with me?

AND NOW. . .

HEY MICHELLE makes it impossible for you to be bored on the weekend.

Hadestown ~ Playing now through April 30th at the Aronoff. This powerful Tony Award winning musical is not to be missed!

Viva Voices ~ Saturday at 6:00pm at the Allen Temple AME Church to honor Dr. King’s inspiring legacy through song featuring Grammy nominated Gospel soloist Callie Day. . Free event bring your family and friends. Celebrating the 60th anniversary of Rev. Dr. King “I Have a Dream '' speech. 

Vintage market days~ Grab your peeps and hit the road to Xenia, Oh from April 21-23 and shop til you drop with over 125 vendors! 

Summer Sips Festival at Fowling Warehouse ~ Saturday 6-11 pm have some fowling fun and sip on local beers, seltzers, mixed drinks and more.

Cyclones Play Offs~ Let’s grab the Kelly Cup! I love this so much.. games Friday & Saturday! 

FC Cincinnati ~ Saturday 7:30 hit up the pre game at Washington Park let’s keep the streak! 

Latin Night at Frankie’s ~ My hangout :)  Saturday late get your salsa moves on late night.. 10pm -2am

Ault Vines Fine Wines ~ Ault Park Wine Tasting Event Friday the 21st 6:00pm ticketed event 

Restaurant week~ Pick a new spot in town and enjoy a 3 course dining experience at a great price through Sunday the 23rd. 

Hey Michelle,

Do you want to know where to eat, drink and have fun in Cincinnati? Follow me @HeyMichelle1 on IG 
https://heymichelle-help.com

IMBIBER DAVE soars with some Eagle Rare.

Had an amazing dinner with coworkers last week, a few of which I had never met in person, as has become much more common in our Zoom-friendly world.

Now don’t get me wrong, I used to travel for work quite a lot, and do not miss it one iota. That said, when you work closely with a group of colleagues that live across multiple states, it certainly is nice to sit in the same room once in a while, and have a cocktail in old fashioned 3-D.

We happened to be in Boston, and found a great restaurant to start our night with a bunch of apps. To our surprise, the bourbon list was fairly expansive without being overly expensive. We selected Eagle Rare, one of the Buffalo Trace specialties, and this bottle didn’t disappoint. It felt specifically wonderful that there were six of us and so we downed this particular whiskey all by ourselves, fairly quickly.

I’ll deal with 2-D video calls as long as we can agree to some actual face time once in a while. Especially since it means imbibing with your family and friends way more frequently.

Cheers!
cincybeerguydave@gmail.com

TUNE O’ THE DAY. . . The Oakland As will be buying 49 acres in Vegas, where they will build a $1.5 billion, 30,000 seat ballpark with a partial dome.

Whoop-de-doo.

No matter how bad your baseball team is now, it once was good, and those good memories are the ones you will remember. No franchise embodied that more perfectly than the As, who until recently found ingenious ways to be relevant in an economy designed to crush them. And lest we forget: Charlie, Vida, Reggie, Catfish. . .So sorry for your loss, Oakland fans.

In that vein, here’s my favorite Tony Bennett tune, which also qualifies it as one of my favorite tunes, period. Tony sends his condolences from across the Bay.