The FreeForAll Line

The Chiefs are babies, the Browns win with Geriatric Joe and the Bengals rise up the charts. That and so much more. Did we mention it's free?

A boffo Monday Morning FreeForAll Line, chock full of great stuff. A Bengals playoff perspective, an Ohtani reaction, the Candelario acquisition and Fleetwood Mac before it was FLEETWOOD MAC. Also, a grumpy OG with some unkind words for a local public golf course.

And by the way. . . A paid subscription to TML might make a nice stocking stuffer, especially for the ‘Nati sports fan living far from PayJake Stadium. Yeah? Thanks. Enjoy.

If you want to know who’s in the NFL playoffs as of this AM, call your neighborhood MIT grad. I have no clue. I don’t even know why Indy is in and The Men are not, given both conglomerates are 7-6 and the Men beat the Colts a mere 18 hours ago.

Edward Lorenz, architect of the NFL playoffs system

Maybe you could fill me in. Or maybe I might read up on Edward Lorenz. He has two degrees from MIT, in meteorology. Lorenz’s words should include an answer to the playoff riddle. He invented something called the Chaos Theory. (Don’t ask.)

You think that’s Rubik’s-Cube bad? What about the possibility, real-er by the week, that to reach the postseason, the Bengals will have to beat. . . Joe Flacco. The whole pass/fail portion of this dizzy season could come down to Trey Hendrickson haunting a QB who’s old enough to be his uncle. (Geriatric Joe will be 39 on Jan. 16.)

After that glistening W at PayJake Stadium Sunday, who wouldn’t dump a few coins on Cincinnati making the playoffs? I don’t know a wild card from a shot of Wild Turkey. I only know 4-0 in the next month will get the Men in. Three-and-1 might. That means Ws against Minnesota, at nose-diving Pittsburgh, the Flaccos here and, possibly, a victory over the crybaby Chiefs.

Here’s what else yesterday did: It confirmed that Zac Taylor and his coaching staff know a little about coaching. Hearts and minds. We’ve dogged Zac a fair amount, because dogging coaches and managers is something we do in these parts. But the way Taylor & Co. have kept the ship floating these past two weeks is impressive bordering on remarkable.

They regrouped a shell-shocked team on the fly, in time to save a season with wins over two playoff contenders. I still say they’ll regret the small effort expended against the Steelers at PayJake three Sundays ago. But it’s been roses since then.

The Bengals next assignment is to avoid Any Given, um, Saturday Syndrome five days from now, against the Vikings, who racked up three whole points to beat the Raiders of Las Vegas yesterday, 3-0, in a game as entertaining as dropping the house payment at a craps table.

Now, then. . .

Photo-shopped, still cool.

HOW MANY SMALL-MONEY BASEBALL TEAM OWNERS felt palpitations this weekend, after the Dodgers signed Shohei Ohtani? There is a what’s-the-use component for teams like the Reds. It’s not just that Ohtani will make $700 million across the next decade. It’s the trickle-down that contract will provoke.

You can point to who made the World Series last year (the D-backs, not the Mets). You can argue the Brewers’ consistent success, the rise of the Orioles and Mariners and potentially the Reds themselves. You’d be correct. Money doesn’t buy luck and brains.

But common sense suggests that the teams with the best players will also have the best records. They will have more chances to win Rob Manfred’s “piece of metal.’’

Ohtani’s money — and worse, the length of the deal — is great for Ohtani. And the Dodgers, who will figure a way to make marketing and advertising bucks in the country’s 2nd-largest media market. It stinks for baseball.

Andy Reid

THE CHIEFS ARE RIDICULOUS. Maybe you saw the play. Pat Mahomes snapped off a beautiful throw down the middle to Travis Kelce, who took a few steps before zinging an equally perfect lateral pass to Kadarius Toney, who ran for a TD that would have given KC a 4-point lead over Buffalo with about a minute to play. Only Toney was flagged for lining up offsides. KC lost.

Mahomes went all 2-year-old on the KC sidelines. He and coach Andy Reid took to the microphone afterward and blamed the refs. Their beef?

An official should have told Toney he was offside before the ball was snapped.

To recap: The Chiefs lost the game because the officials didn’t keep them from breaking the rules.

Reid said the incident was “a bit embarrassing for the National Football League.” He really did.

Mahomes said the zebras ruined “a legendary moment.’’ As if part of a ref’s job description calls for preserving legendary moments, rules be damned. “Another game we’re talking about the refs,” Mahomes offered.

No. This game we’re talking about a player who couldn’t perform the simplest task on a football field. Lining up correctly.

The Athletic:

Referee Carl Cheffers addressed the call after the game, saying the down judge saw that Toney’s “alignment was over the ball and that’s what he ruled on the field.” Regarding Reid’s comment, Cheffers said that if a coach or receiver looks for alignment advice, officials will give it to them, but “ultimately, they are responsible for wherever they line up.”

You’d think so.

“And certainly, no warning is required, especially if they are lined up so far offsides where they’re actually blocking our view of the ball,” Cheffers said. “So, we would give them some sort of warning if it was anywhere close, but this particular one is beyond warning.”

Run along home, Chiefs. Mommy’s waitin’ for youse, with warm milk and cookies fresh from the oven.

A WORD OR TWO ABOUT HAMILTON COUNTY PARKS and their golf courses, or at least one of them:

On Friday, my man Pogo and I decided to take advantage of the heaven-weather to commit 9 holes of golf at Little Miami in Newtown. OK little public track, nothing challenging, just an unexpected pleasure on an uncommonly nice December day.

Until we got there.

There’s a little hut at the entrance, where a hired troll sits and takes your money. It’s a fee for using the park. I’ve been to this golf course half a dozen times in 2023. This was the first time the troll was in the hut.

“Eight dollars,’’ he said.

He explained to me that was the daily rate. If I wanted a pass good for three whole weeks and all of next year, it’d be $20, or something close. I didn’t want to pay at all. I mean, it’s December, three weeks until 2024, and you’re going to charge me eight bucks for a pass good for three weeks?

“I’m playing golf,’’ I said.

“Eight dollars,’’ he said.

Well. . .

I dunno know about you, but. . .

I’ve played public golf all over Hamilton County. I’ve never paid to pay to play. It’s sort of like the Seat License racket NFL teams have gotten so good at. And make no mistake: When you pay $8 to pay $19 to play 9 holes on a goat track, the $8 is a parking fee. Have you ever paid to park, to play golf on a municipal course?

I argued my case in the pro shop, without success, even as Pogo had argued and won and did not pay a dime to park.

I noted the (very small) sign on the counter, offering Senior Rates. I qualified.

“OK, at least gimme the senior rate,’’ said I.

“It’s only Monday through Thursday,’’ said the helpful Hamilton County Parks golf course employee.

Did I mention the fairway grass was dormant? I mean, e-e-e-very blade. Nice.

So, I paid $8 to park and $19-something to play a golf course with dead fairways, in mid-December, at a facility that decided to use the good weather as a neat excuse to fleece golfers with a parking fee. At least I live in Clermont County, so my tax bucks aren’t directly supporting such a lousy operation.

I feel better now.

THE ATHLETIC ON THE REDS Candelario acquisition, which sounds a lot like my take from last week:

Candelario is an upgrade over India if you assume that’s whose at-bats he’s taking, probably between 1-2 more wins, and I could see Candelario particularly benefiting from the Reds’ homer-friendly ballpark. He’s similar as a hitter to Nick Castellanos, a hard-contact doubles hitter who had his career high in homers (34) in his one full season with the Reds. In my free agent capsule, I said Candelario was “good for about 40 doubles and 15-20 homers with a league-average OBP,” but as a Red he might be more in the 20-25 homer range, and is a better defender at third than either Marte or Encarnacion-Strand.

Candelario is an overall upgrade over any of their other third-base options; I just don’t know if that is the best use of the Reds’ budget unless there are one or more trades to come to address their bigger needs.

AND FINALLY. . . Maybe you didn’t notice it. I did, and forgot to include it in 10 Things last night, post-victory. Joe Burrow, class act, offered his stadium suite to Jake Browning’s family. The TV duly noted that. What went unnoted was the moment in the 2nd half, caught on TV, when Burrow vacated his seat on the bench, so Browning could sit down.

Small thing. Says a lot.

TUNE O’ THE DAY. . . No 70s/80s group churned out more pop classics than Fleetwood Mac. The successes of their self-titled album and its follow-up Rumours led lots of their newer fans to think that was the fluffy music that defined them.

Maybe it was. But I like the work on Bare Trees better. It was a transitional album, away from their blues roots. Here’s a lovely tune from Trees.