JoeBobble will play Friday Night

Joe Burrow won't. Ain't exhibition football great?

FOCO.

Would you pay $60 for this little plastic man?

His head swivels, always a plus when you play quarterback. His offensive line has been upgraded to the point where it’s better than five traffic cones arrayed in a semicircle. For the sake of accuracy, it’d be better if BobbleJoe were on a green flatbed cart, given his preseason history. And c’mon, man, what’s with the score?

You and 143 of your closest pals will be the only people on planet Earth to have this Joe. You could set him up on a table in the foyer, maybe surround him with votive candles, given he’s a Saint and all. Find a little plastic Pedro Cerrano bat, blessed by Jobu. Lean it up against Joe’s cocked right arm.

Pedro Cerrano : Bats, they are sick. I cannot hit curveball. Straightball I hit it very much. Curveball, bats are afraid. I ask Jobu to come, take fear from bats. I offer him cigar, rum. He will come.

Eddie Harris : You know you might think about taking Jesus Christ as your savior instead of fooling around with all this stuff.

Roger Dorn : Sh—, Harris.

Pedro Cerrano : Jesus, I like him very much, but he no help with curveball.

Eddie Harris : You trying to say Jesus Christ can't hit a curveball?

To feel better about Burrow’s habit of ducking training camp by deliberately injuring himself, you could ask, “Are you going to be OK in time for Sept. 10 in Cleveland, BobbleJoe?’’

Then you could flick his curly-locked head vertically.

(The injury thing is a joke, OK? No veteran deliberately hurts himself to get outta July/August jail. Except maybe Roethlisberger.)

THE WONDERFULLY EXCITING EXHIBITION SEASON starts Friday night at PayJoe, starring the Rodgers-less Packers. Good tickets are still available to anyone stupid obsessed enough to want one.

The Men-Goal Friday is not to get anyone injured, not including the impassioned thousands storming the transoms just before kickoff.

BUT, SERIOUSLY. . . I cannot recall another summer in which the Bengals were more settled. Safety is a question. Right tackle is a little concerning. Other than that? It’s as solid a club as I can recall since I got here in ‘88.

No QB is better than Burrow at handling extended summer vacation. He has shown that he doesn’t need a lot of reps. After all, it is his offense.

Really, Doc? You forget what happened in last year’s opener?

I think Burrow spent the rest of the year successfully proving that Stillers W was a fluke.

AS FOR THE BENGALS LOVE-IN OVER THE WEEKEND. . . Finally, Anthony Munoz has a Hall-mate. It’s hard to figure exactly why Ken Riley wasn’t a HOFer three decades ago, or why Kenny Anderson’s nose remains affixed to the Canton window.

Is it Li’l Cincinnati Syndrome? Partly. Flyover America has no better representative than our little town. Is it Mike Brown’s lifelong reluctance to tout his own guys? That, too.

Was it the players themselves? Possibly. Riley and Anderson were/are modest guys who understood the humbling nature of the game and the importance of others in their success.

Regardless, it was that rarest of weekends when the Bengals were in the news. Bengals.com superstar Butch Hobson did a Hall-worthy write-up of the weekend’s festivities. Hobson offered this nugget:

Paul Brown, the man who switched Riley from quarterback to cornerback in a Hall of Fame move by a Hall of Fame coach, died 32 years ago to the day Saturday.

Now, then. . .

ONLY A GLOATING JERK would do the hindsight bit with the reeling Redlegs. I, for one, would never mention that the Club hasn’t won a game since the Trade Deadline. I certainly would not note that the Reds started a guy who’d made exactly one start above Class AA ball before being promoted to face Washington Sunday.

Lyon Richardson began the year in A-ball. Only a told-you-so wiseguy would make that observation public.

This, from USA Today’s Bob Nightengale:

Remember in 2017 when the Tigers began their huge rebuild by dumping five of their most talented veterans in Justin Verlander, J.D. Martinez, Justin Upton, Justin Wilson and Alex Avila for a slew of prospects that were expected to be invaluable for their rebuild?

They wound up with 11 prospects from those trades.

Well, six years later, and the only one that still remains is catcher Jake Rogers.

Experience makes cynics of us all. Ladies and gentlemen, your Cincinnati Reds Prospects Lineup:

Leading off and playing shortstop. . . David Espinosa!

Batting 2nd in CF, Phil Ervin.

Batting 3rd in RF, Chad Mottola.

In the cleanup spot and playing 3B, Brandon Larson. . .

Hitting 5th and playing LF, Johnny Oliver. . .

Pitching for the Reds, Nick Travieso, Ryan Wagner, Jeremy Sowers, Chris Gruler, Ty Howington and Pat Pacillo!

OK.

Lots of teams whiff on 1st-rounders. Lots more see great potential snuffed by injury. Stuff happens. Larger point is, to borrow a quote from the TML Hall of Fame: In baseball-speak, Prospect means Ain’t Done Nothin’ Yet.

Over the weekend here, it meant, Starting Kid Who Ain’t Ready. That’s OK when you’re 50-70 and 12 games out. Not when you’re thisclose to 1st place. How bad was it Sunday?

Even Sadak’s dobber was down. Man sounded like someone just stole his Strat-O-Matic dice.

TRIP REPORT. Due to extenuating circumstances, we had to move Vacation Central north from St. Augustine to Ponte Vedra. St. Augustine is better.

At least I think so. It was actually an interesting contrast and said something definitive about what you enjoy in a vacation. Both places have spectacular beaches with equally spectacular homes nudging high tide. That’s where their similarities end.

If you like modern stuff, flashy stuff and stuff that could be on any beach anywhere, PV is for you. High-end strip shopping abounds, Jacksonville’s urban vibe is 20 minutes away. If you feel like dropping $600, you can try to hit the island-green 17th at TPC Sawgrass.

If you prefer lower-key and history that wasn’t built 20 minutes ago, St. Aug. is better. This year’s trip only reinforced my notion that St. Augustine is the best town I’ve visited in Florida. It has fru-fru places to eat and drink, but it also has the A1A ale house across the street from the Intercoastal, where the food’s good and the bill won’t make your stomach flip.

In recent years, St. Augustine has suffered from Asheville Syndrome, meaning it has been discovered by the masses. When we first started going there 25 or so years ago, SA was a tourist destination without looking or acting like one. That is, its downtown wasn’t elbow-to-elbow crowded and its prices for lodging weren’t Miami-esque. That’s not true anymore.

And yet, there remains a flickering, old-Florida vibe to the Old City. Because I am weird, a highlight of my week is taking an afternoon to walk the older part of the town’s core, dotted with 200-year-old homes and newer homes lovingly restored. That jaunt has been expanded in recent years, as newcomers have started restoring Lincolnville, a downtown area equally rich in history. Bars, restaurants and even a distillery have taken up residence in Lincolnville which up until a decade or so ago, was sagging.

You can’t get this feel in Sarasota or Naples. Or Ponte Vedra.

A REMINDER. . . My man Larry Fannon and I will be making a presentation Wednesday night at 7:30 at the Oasis Golf/Conference Center in Loveland. Larry has been running small tours of Italy for 30 years. He’s pretty good at it. He even lives in Tuscany half the year. If you’ve ever thought seeing Tuscany might be a good and dreamy vacation (I promise you, it blew me away) TML sez ckusout at the Oasis Wednesday

Larry would like to tell you all about it. Regardless, stop in to say hello, eat some cheese and drink some wine. Please see the registration below. If you plan to attend, print the registration, fill it out and bring it with you.

AND FINALLY. . . Guardians stud 3B Jose Ramirez might have found a second career, if this baseball thing doesn’t work out. His withering right jab to Tim Anderson’s jaw was impressive, as was Cleveland radio guy Tom Hamilton’s description of the punch, with thanks to Howard Cosell.

Now Josey and Anderson square off! They’re fighting! They’re swinging! Down goes Anderson! Down goes Anderson!

Ramírez went in with a head-first slide. Josey never gets upset about anything. They came up chewing. Anderson squared off. Josey decked him!

TUNE O’ THE DAY. . . Still savoring a slice of vacation. This was sort of a last-gasp mini-hit by the Beach Boys. Not a bad effort for the old guys.