Is This What Rock Bottom Looks Like?

Also: Should Tiger use a cart?

Reds fan, watching Reds

Before we advance to what radio people call Topic A — or used to, it’s been awhile since I screwed up Sports Talk on ‘LW — it’s worth a minute (and no more) talking about the last 48 hours of Reds baseball.

Feed your lawn. Feed it.

Did they suck on toast, or what?

This is a “rebuilding’’ enterprise, of course, though the term rebuilding implies there once was a foundation of pretty-goodness that now needs a makeover. Which there was, somewhere back in, oh, 2012. But we digress.

“Rebuilding’’ is a euphemism for “we stink now, but we’re gonna stink less soon. Pardon our mess.’’ But the past two days didn’t even rise to the level of stink. What’s worse than that? What’s worse than stink?

The Tampa Bay Rays beat the Reds 10-0 and 8-0. The Rays led 8-0 after 4 innings on Tuesday and 6-0 after 1 inning Wednesday. Levi Stoudt, bless him, was called on yesterday to make a spot start, after Hunter Greene took a ball off his leg in his last start.

Stoudt became about the 10th member of the ‘23 Reds I had to Google, including Jason Vosler and 90 percent of the bullpen.

Stoudt’s day started thusly:

Homer-single-single-flyout-double-single-double-balk.

The Enquirer called Stoudt “a prospect who’s on the verge of a full-time spot in the Reds’ rotation.’’

Stoudt and some relievers did gut it out after the 1st, saving a few arms (thank goodness those studs will be fresh tonight!) and keeping the Reds from being run-ruled for the 2nd successive day. That said, the 0-18 two-day total does constitute two forfeits. So if you think about it (I’m thinking you probably won’t, pain avoidance being what it is) the Club could have achieved the same ends by simply taking a couple games off. Maybe had a team-building romp at Kings Island or something.

Fans aren’t always stupid, at least not when their money’s engaged. The total attendance for the three-gamer was 31,794, but I’m hearing the Reds counted toes, not full bodies.

So we must ask:

Is this rock bottom?

If not, where might rock bottom be?

Please tell us, so we can turn off the non-stop Scott-for-Scotts ads airing on the radio. If I “fed’’ my lawn as much as Scott told me to, I’d be living in my own personal Amazon Basin.

Hey, Scott: Mix in some shut the hell up.

It’s not just the Reds carpet-bombing the airwaves with grass ads. I turned on the Pirates-Rockies game for a nanosecond, and Scott was on there, too!

It is a mighty long season, Pilgrims, and things will get better than the previous two efforts. No team can look that forlorn for an extended period. But all we know is what our eyes can see and this morning, our eyes are rolling. The Reds have had some bad teams in the past decade-plus. I don’t recall any looking worse than the team paid to play hardball these last two games.

Rebuilding isn’t (supposed to be) perpetual.

Now, then. . .

TOPIC “A” ON A NEWS DAY THAT’S MOVING LIKE MAPLE SYRUP UP A TABLE. . .

If/when Tiger Woods ever returns to competition, might he consider using a golf cart?

Woods underwent foot surgery earlier this week. The injury caused him to WD from the Masters. It likely will end his season. If Woods ever returns, might he consider riding?

The Supreme Court says riding is OK, ruling 7-2 in 2001 that walking was not essential to golf, a position long held by the PGA Tour. The ruling was prompted, you might recall, by Tour pro Casey Martin, whose condition made walking a golf course dangerous and all but impossible.

Martin sued the Tour under the Americans with Disabilities Act and won.

So, Tiger could ride if he chose. Would he choose?

He has the legs of a 100-year-old, but he can still plant and turn. It’s the walking that pains him and wears him out. Might Woods trade his pride for a chance to compete for championships?

Would it diminish his legacy? Or might it add to it?

Let’s hope we’re somewhat more enlightened than we were 22 years ago, when mega-star fuds such as Jack Nicklaus and Arnold Palmer railed against giving Martin a shot. Since when are the unofficial rules of a game more important than giving a hero a chance?

If Woods could play without walking, we just might see a resurgence of his game. That would be good and inspirational. Hard to see who wouldn’t want that. Except, of course, Woods himself.

In 1998, while using a cart, Casey Martin tied for 23rd at the U.S. Open. I was there. Everybody was tearing up.

Postscript: Martin lost his right leg in 2021, after a tibia he fractured simply stepping off a curb at his home did not heal. He remains the golf coach the University of Oregon, where in 17 years his teams have appeared in the NCAA championships 10 times and won the title in 2016.

ME! ME! ME!. . . A couple months ago, Gold Star Chili named me a Cincinnati FlavorMaker. I had no idea why. Still don’t. Maybe someone at Gold Star discovered I drink Keystone Light.

My obligation for such an incredible honor was to appear at a Gold Star location and compete in a sports trivia contest. For that, I received in the mail Wednesday, 4 Gold Star chili plates with my name on them, a Gold Star T-Shirt, 4 cans of Gold Star Chili, a bottle of hot sauce, a pot in which to cook my Gold Star pasta and, the best for last, a Gold Card which entitles me to a free Gold Star 3-way once a week for the rest of my life.

Thank you, thank you, Gold Star. Awesome!

(Photo credit: Me)

AND FINALLY. . . So I’m doing the daily walk with Crazy Chester at Kelley Nature Preserve Wednesday and I see what appears to be electric fencing along the perimeter of the trail. Lo and behold, it is electric fencing. Behind the fence were at least 10 goats of various sizes. They were munching on honeysuckle.

The sign says the county imported them to combat the honeysuckle scourge. They will live within several acres of fencing that will keep the coyotes at bay, hopefully. The goats seemed quite OK with our presence, standing a couple feet from the fence. I dunno who thought of this, but it’s genius.

TUNE O’ THE DAY. . . The Robert Earl Keen talk here yesterday led to Guy Clark talk, which led to today’s tune. Clark was a semi-obscure, highly influential country singer/player. Here’s one of his best tunes.