High Noon for the Offense

Any and all options on deck

Mawnin’, Mobsters. The fog drifts by my window, like the waves out on the beach. (Words stolen, sort of, from Jim Morrison. Lookimup, kids.) Fog’s a good metaphor for my brain this AM. And for the Bengals offense, not necessarily in that order.

The Bengals biggest opponent right now is themselves. As the overreaction pours in, some actual truth emerges. It has to do with a head coach’s role in righting the ship. Notice I didn’t say “responsibility.’’ It is absolutely Zac Taylor’s responsibility to make the offense better. His role? Not so sure.

The Bitch-o-Meter spins crazily in the wake of 0-2. In no particular order, you would like Taylor to:

Stop calling the plays.

Start calling more short, quick passes.

Manage all aspects of the game better, up to and including challenges.

Fire Frank Pollack.

Sell his house and move to Honduras. I hear Tegucigalpa is lovely this time of year.

Is any of this reasonable? Or is it just 0-2 spleen-cleaning?

Yes.

Taylor is at an important juncture. He has to decide how to attempt a fix for his flailing offense. If there were a presser today, this would be my question:

You have two ways to look at the offensive issues. You have to choose one. Do you,

(1) Say, “We have full confidence in this line to perform up to its collective resume. Sooner than later, you will see that. No major tweaks to game-planning or personnel.’’ Or,

(2) “We are 0-2 which is bad but not awful. 0-3 would be awful. Therefore, we’ll consider game-planning to account for the line’s current issues.’’

At the moment, which is the better way to address an underperforming offensive front?

I’ve never been a fan of any head coach calling plays, especially a head coach who’s never done it before, in that capacity. And as we’ve pointed out in this space, Taylor’s one-year stint as UC play-caller under T. Tuberville was not a rousing triumph.

He’s the CEO, not a micro-manager. That’s what play-calling is, micro-managing down, distance, defensive looks etc. Carl Lindner didn’t visit UDFs to make sure the milk was fresh.

Taylor deserves big credit for tone-setting, which should be a very big part of any CEO’s job. Expectations were set and met. Zac’s Culture Club thrived. Do not argue with an AFC title, peeps.

Howevuh. . .

Removing his pride from the equation and giving B. Callahan the play-calling job would be a very CEO thing to do. Hire good people, let ‘em work.

About the actual play calls themselves? If you’ve thought that maybe more time should be given to slants, outs, rollouts, trick-eration, anything to keep Burrow from looking like a 6-day-old banana, well, don’t you think Taylor has thought of that, too?

You might not think he knows what he’s doing. You might be right. But he does know more than you.

Besides, if you limit the downfield shots, you lessen Ja’Marr Chase’s extraordinary skills. Why would you want to do that? Nor is Burrow Dink and Dunk Man.

Does it sound like I’m leaning toward Option 1?

Oh-and-two is not a hellhole. Not in the AFC North, where Miami just embarrassed the Ravens in Baltimore, Pittsburgh can’t score and Cleveland is, well, Cleveland. Might 10-7 win it? Of course.

We don’t know if rust is a reason the O-Line Follies have assumed center stage. The Bengals better hope so. The regular season isn’t the time to be playing your way into regular-season form.

Meantime, stay the course. Hang with what got you to LA last February. Other than weighing heavily the option of handing over the play-calling.

All bets are off if they lose to the Jets Sunday. The previous wisdom will automatically self-destr. . .

Now, then. . .

THE JETS ARE COMING OFF A MIRACLE in Cleveland. First team in 21 years to come back from 13 down in the last two minutes. That’s 2,229 games. It wasn’t just that they scored 13 points in a minute and change. It was that they did it with Joe Flacco at QB. They’re at home v. The Men. They’re feeling good about themselves. The Mighty Mike Whites beat Cincinnati last year.

BTW, let’s see how Sauce Gardner does against Ja’Marr Chase.

MEANWHILE, FROM YAHOO!: The Super Bowl hangover is real, especially for the losing team. It's a long season and it's hard to climb the mountain again. There's a reason only one team since the 1993 Buffalo Bills has made the Super Bowl after losing it the previous season. Of the first 55 teams that lost a Super Bowl, 17 didn't even make the playoffs the following season.

The Bengals might have been especially vulnerable. They were 7-6 at one point last season. They won six of seven after that, but five of the wins were by seven points or less. It's hard to sustain that.

Two weeks into this season, the Bengals look like they were a good but not great team last season that got on a fortunate streak of close wins.

Some of us might have suggested months ago that the Men used up a decade’s worth of karma last year. No injuries, no COVID, improbable playoff Ws. The sort of in-house camaraderie that’s hard to establish and harder to maintain.

THIS MIGHT BOTHER ONLY ME, BUT IT IS MY BLOG. . . Before the rant, let me say that the only summer job I had as a high school and college kid was waiting tables. I know tips are everything. Even now, a few years since my college days, I never tip less than 20 percent. That said. . .

I’m gettin’ real tired of having to tip for everything.

You know what I’m talking about.

It’s the credit card machines at the bars and restaurants.

I’m at an establishment the other day. Cool place, where they have a million taps on the wall. You serve yourself and pay by the ounce. Fabulous idea. When you go to pay, the screen asks you how much you want to tip.

Excuse me?

You’re standing there with the cashier staring at you. You don’t want to seem ungrateful. The minimum tip suggested is 15 percent. For. . . what?

I haven’t punched up No Tip or Skip yet. But I’m fixin’ to.

Johnny Thinwallet isn’t amused.

PROGRAMMING NOTE: Planning to bring back the leisure-time superstars next week. Frequent Perusers will recall Imbiber Dave and Hey Michelle. The former tells us what to drink (in moderation). The latter tells us things to on the weekend while drinking or not drinking. Look for them here next Thursday or Friday.

Annnnd. . . sometime soon, The TML Podcast will dawn, like it or not. Tentative plans call for my two legendary pals, Pogo and Bengal Boy, to talk sports and other stuff with me, weekly for 20 minutes or as long as I can take it. I hope you’ll love these two. They’re smart, chatty and full of themselves. Stay tuned.

TUNE O’ THE DAY. . . Had a request yesterday to mix in some Van. Regulars to TML 1.0 know of my affection for Morrison, a soulful lyricist and singer. This one is a bit over the top with the spiritual stuff, but it’s one of my favorites. Beautiful as only Van can be.