Golf Sucks

I forgive it. Now's the best time to play

Whenever I play golf in November, I feel like I’m getting away with something.

I’m going to pay for days like yesterday and today. In life and golf, no good shot goes unpunished. When it’s 45 and raining on Easter Sunday, I’ll try to remember yesterday and today.

It’s funny. This time of year, people from around here drive/fly 900 miles south, to get the weather we’ve been getting here.

Frequent Perusers know of my golf affliction. It is a game designed to humiliate us, mock us and make us hate life. But only until the next time we play, which is as often as possible.

Golf brings out the optimist in me. But not nearly as often as it sweet-talks my cynicism, fatalism and son-of-a-bitch-ism into coming out to shank chip shots. One good shot a round keeps me coming back. That’s how bad I am and how badly I want to get better.

I have gotten better this year, for the first time ever. I “work’’ at Hickory Woods, which affords me the luxury of free golf and, more importantly, access to the practice range. I love hitting golf balls. It’s my Zen thing. Two shag bags-full is roughly 90 minutes of swings. It always seems about nine minutes.

I’m turning better. I’ve shortened my backswing, which does two nice things: Makes for less overall area for the club to travel and thus less chance to screw the swing up and (2) forces me to come through more completely on the follow-through. Life is about following through.

Damn, Doc, who cares? Tell us how you’re picking the Bengals, so we can pick the opposite.

I love working at the golf course. Two days a week in the barn, cleaning carts. Another day as starter. Denny Acomb, the owner, told me last spring he was worried I wouldn’t be challenged enough by the tasks. I told Denny, “The last thing I want after I just retired is a challenge.’’

I like hosing down carts. It’s good, mindless work. Working at Hickory has showed me how hard it can be to keep a very busy course in very good shape. It’s also inspired me not to be the guy who lets anyone down, especially Denny and the Hickory pro, Mike Auterson. Good leadership isn’t about taskmaster-ing. I do my best for those guys because I like and respect them.

(That bit of suck-uppage could get me rehired next year. See what I did there?)

Fringe benefit: Arriving at 615 on summer Saturday mornings, just before sunrise, delivering water jugs to four holes, seeing the day emerge. At that hour, the wildlife own the golf course. Deer, fox, the Cooper’s Hawk who routinely chases my cart the full length of the 14th fairway.

This is the best time of year around here to play golf. Let the snowbirds pack up for the condo in Clearwater and call it a season. More room for you and me. The first few weeks in November are very often ideal for torturing ourselves for 9 or 18.

Two days ago, when it was cloudy and close to 70, I hopped in a cart and played nine holes in just over an hour. At 4 o’clock I saw exactly no one else on the front 9 at Hickory Woods. Understand: The Woods has been crawling with golfers since the early days of Covid. April to October, there are very few vacancies. People believe the season ends a little after Labor Day.

That might be true in Michigan. Not here. Climate change is real and bad. Everywhere but golf courses, where winter is supposed to be happening. Such as here.

November golf is beautiful leaves and the beauty of invoking the leaf rule. It’s deer popping out from the woods, because there are so few people around. It’s quiet and quick. On some days, it’s peeling off the sweatshirt and playing in a polo, like it’s July or something.

At Hickory Woods, players ask me how I like retirement. I don’t say anything. I just look up at the sky and around at the golf course.

Now, then. . .

WHAT WON’T HAPPEN ON SUNDAY. . . J.P. Walker is the Carolina QB. He’s almost as well known as Cooper Rush and not nearly as old as Joe Flacco and Andy Dalton. He has the same flair for the horizontal passing game as Mitch Trubisky and possibly a brighter future than Jacoby Brissett and Marcus Mariota.

He’s no Teddy Bridgewater, though, that’s for sure.

In their quest to defend their AFC title, the Bengals have had to face one good QB. In nine games, in a league where QBs are king. They lost to Lamar Jackson.

Walker is 27. He has three career starts, one of them last week. He played collegiately at Temple. He has a career passer rating of 68.2.

Last week, Carolina traded most of its offense to San Francisco. In his first Niners game, Christian McCaffrey threw a TD, caught a TD and ran for a TD. It’s possible J.P. Walker won’t do that this Sunday. Meantime, the Panthers are 29th in total yards and 29th in passing yards.

The Bengals L in Cleveland flipped their script. Some of us have gone from They’re Better Than This to Well, Maybe They’re Not. The injuries aren’t helping things.

But, God help me, I think they’ll beat the J.P. Walkers at home. Call it 20-9.

If they somehow lose, don’t panic. They’re at Pittsburgh next week, against. Kenny (Wilson) Pickett. Pickett will be charging again. We know how that worked out.

AND NOW. . . Hey Michelle gets you in a Santa state of mind.

Ok Halloween is gone and I guess we will jump to holiday :) 

Tinseltown ~The Pitch is doing a Pop-up for Christmas with all the fun stuff.. festive tunes, elves, winter drinks and more. 1430 Central Pkwy 5-10:30 Nov 3rd -Dec 30th. 21 and up 

Cincinnati Ballet Carmina Burana & Extremely Close ~ Runs just this weekend at Music Hall and it’s amazing! Friday 8pm, Saturday 2 & 8, Sunday 1pm. 

Krohn Conservatory opens it’s Celestial Holiday ~ Time to get that great Christmas photo :) The Krohn lights up for the holidays with beautiful poinsettias, the famous trains to get you in the spirit. 10-8 Nov 5- Jan 7th ticketed event. 

Skating rinks open up ~ Fifty West 7605 Wooster Pike Nov 7th- Feb 27th, Fountain Square with skating and bumper cars open now! 

Queen City Blues Fest ~ Southgate House 111 E. Sixth St. featuring many great bands like Andrew Hibbard, Jamie Carr Band, Doug Hart Band, King Bee & the Stinger and more. $20 at the door $15 in advance. 

Charity event Empty Bowls at Arnolds Bar ~ Sunday 11am & Noon Two seatings. Tickets include soup, bread & dessert in bowls made from over 60 artists from the Cincinnati Clay Alliance. Live jazz, and fun benefits Kids Cafe of Freestore. 

Savor Dinner by @Cincinnati ~ Grab your tickets now for this fun week full of great food. November 8th-11th at Hard Rock Casino this foodie delight features 2 chefs from the area collaborating to make an unforgettable night of dining! 

Incubator Kitchen Collective ~ Tasty night of fun at Rhinegeist Sunday November 6th 5-7. There will be local food tastings, libations, entertainment, silent auction and more. This is a ticketed event  Help power up local startups. 

Do you want to know where to eat, drink and have fun in Cincinnati? Check out my page  https://heymichelle-help.com

IMBIBER DAVE ATTACKS SOME BOURBON AND BEEF…

Did some imbibing close to home this week. As I’ve traveled and increased the white in my beard over the years, I am continually more proud to show off our fair city. So with a close friend in town for an evening, it was game on.

As a couple of amateur whiskey enthusiasts, it made sense to start our evening in the proverbial library that is Old Kentucky Bourbon Bar. With over 700 bourbons and 200 American whiskies surrounding you on all sides, one could get lost in a place like this.

Now I went with a very specific cocktail in mind, the whiskey sour. OKBB makes these the right way, the old fashioned way, and they are out of this world. The menu is quite extensive depending on the time of year. We sat down and ordered two dealers choice, since they are all season specific and fantastic, so you can’t go wrong. This version included homemade vanilla and hibiscus simple syrups. When shaken with an egg white, you get a froth similar to the head on a Guinness.

Somehow we avoided drinking nine of these, and walked a couple blocks down Main St in Covington to our main event, Lisse Steakhuis. I was very excited to finally check this place out, and they took us for a ride from the start. We ordered the Hemmer Hammer, Lisse’s signature Manhattan, and not only was it a perfect Four Roses cocktail, it had a small hammer ice cube hanging from the rim of the martini glass. We sipped these while enjoying the Kaassoufle Dutch fried cheese pastry.

This warmed us up nicely for our 21 oz bone-in ribeyes, served with smoky bleu cheese butter, and a fortified baked potato to round out the plate. The steak was superb, and let’s just say I wasn’t hungry until this afternoon.

It feels good to say that Lisse would hold up against any of the steakhouses I’ve visited in Chicago or New York. This isn’t just good for Cincy, it’s real good anywhere.

Cheers!
cincybeerguydave@gmail.com

TUNE O’ THE DAY. . . Sometimes, nothing will do but some J. Geils. Last great concert I saw was Geils doing the reunion thing at Riverbend. Had to be 15 years ago. Fantastic.