Doc's Cheap, Self-Obsessed Nostalgia Trip

It's Friday afternoon. Who works on Friday afternoon?

Hey, howareya? Jus’ checkin’ in on ya. That’s me doing my best Bill Burr, whose Monday Morning Podcast is the official pod of The Morning Line. TML sez ckBillout for funny, F-laden takes on how screwed up our world is.

I’m low on material. . .

So what else is new, Doc?

. . .so I’m gonna resurrect/repurpose/re-fit a speech I gave this AM to a bunch of OGs in Pleasant Ridge. It’s a list of things I learned in 34 years of scamming, er, informing the sportspage-reading public.

Sounds boring as hell.

Yeah? You try brilliance five times a week.

Is that what you call it?

I wrote sports here for 34 years. don’t know if that’s good or bad, I just know it is. Over that time, I’ve experienced much and learned little. I’m here today to inflict myself upon you tell you what I’ve learned. It won’t take long.

Don’t drive when you can walk, don’t fly when you can drive and always have a parking pass.

Don’t tell me the sky is blue. Tell me it’s the blue of a robin’s egg or the blue of daybreak on Waikiki.

Dumb questions are good. They get the best answers. I don’t know why. I asked a lot of dumb questions.

Don’t cheer in the pressbox.

Hot dogs will kill you. Too many hot dogs will kill you quickly.

Take your job seriously, not yourself.

Ninety percent of the sports people you deal with will not tell you the truth. The other 10 percent are lying.

It’s OK to insult my intelligence, not OK to believe you’re getting away with it.

I mean, look at that thing

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If you go the Masters, skip the pimiento cheese sandwiches on white bread. Jus’ sayin’.

The best thing about stealing money doing my job was the travel. I could always see another Reds game. I couldn’t always see a sunrise over the Golden Gate Bridge.

In the Lost Decade@, Bengals games were the penance I paid for making the roadies. Losing was never bad when it occurred in San Diego.

When Joey Votto speaks, listen.

In life, we don’t always get what we want, or what we think we deserve. We get what we’re willing to put up with. Bob Knight told me that.

Words to live by

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Crash Davis, catcher, said to Nuke LaLoosh, pitcher, “Don’t think, Meat. You’ll hurt the ballclub.’’ So very true, in so many ways.

Every pro athlete has great physical skills. What separates the best is their ability to manage their minds.

I could write the worst column ever, have Lou Piniella scream at and spill pressbox food into my lap, but when I got home, my family would still hug me.

Jillian was born Oct. 17, 1989, the day of the San Francisco earthquake that delayed the World Series for a week. There’s a metaphor in there somewhere.

When they say it’s not about the money, it’s about the money.

The story of my career was Peter Edward Rose.

The most fun I had covering a team was the ‘88 Bengals.

The least fun I had covering a team was the 91-02 Bengals.

Hicks

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My favorite UC basketball player was Eric Hicks. My favorite X guy was Jordan Crawford.

I’d stop what I was doing to watch Kevin Mitchell hit.

My most magic moment was anything involving Marge Schott watching Eric Davis hit the Game 1 homer off Dave Stewart.

Guys I liked most personally: Skip Prosser, Bob Huggins, Dusty Baker, Marvin Lewis.

Guys not on my Jelly of the Month Club list: Randy Myers, Adam Dunn, Lewis Billups, Nick Van Exel.

People I wished I’d had another decade to write about: Joe Burrow and Hunter Greene.

What I miss: Nothing. Early morning in Goodyear, AZ, in March, listening to spring training. Clean, distinct, definitive. Amplified by the sheer quiet of an awakening desert. . . The first sighting of Augusta National in the first week of April. Behind the antebellum clubhouse, to the hill cresting behind the 1st tee, where the golf course erupts in front of you, a rolling stew of pastels. Nothing like it in sports. . . The cocoon of a basketball gym on a dead-cold night in winter. Fifth Third or Cintas or Rupp, a warm, embracing glow of expectation. Ten thousand souls in intimate communion, taking a break from winter. . . After a Reds game in highest summer, driving home up the river on Columbia Parkway/Route 50. Tender, beautiful, gratitude-inous. . .

Hours and hours

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What I don’t miss: Everything. Getting up at 4:30 to catch a 7 am flight. . . Center seats. . . Impossible deadlines. . . Driving home on Sunday nights after Bengals games in Pittsburgh and Cleveland. . . Snow on those drives. . . Editors. . . Waking up every day wondering, what am I gonna write today? Even on days I wasn’t writing. . . Waiting. . . Waiting for a ballplayer to emerge from the shower/training room/dining area/batting cage so I can ask a dumb question. Loitering in the clubhouse for an hour after a Reds game, so I can ask another Reds player another dumb question. . . waiting in traffic less than a mile from Ohio Stadium, four hours before a noon kickoff. . . waiting while a football referee decides if somebody broke the invisible plane.

I’d say 10 percent of my career was spent hanging out in locker rooms trying not to look stupid waiting.

All that said, I’ve never had a real job. The closest I came was waiting tables at a country club. I’ve seen the world on somebody else’s dime. I’ve watched excellence up close.

I wish I could do it all over again. But not very often.

AND NOW. . .

Hey Michelle is our indispensable advisor for All Things Weekend. . .

Pickleball, music, drinks and fun ~ Head to Sawyer Point Friday and Saturday 7-10pm for fun or competitive play along with live music and food. This event is free and open to the public! There are bands both nights..Friday is Timestamp and Saturday is Model Behavior at the Schott Amphitheater.  

The City Flea ~ The first of the most epic summer shopping event! Saturday 10-4pm at Washington Park 

513 Day get it… Cincy Day on.. May 13th!!  ~ Celebrate Cincy with a fun day at Sam Adams with Everything Cincy.. There will be an outdoor local market, live music all day, hot honey Queen City Wings, Giveaways and tons of fun! 

Last weekend for the Van Gogh Exhibit ~ This amazing interactive exhibit is wrapping up and I’m saying this is one not to miss! You can grab tickets online 

Playhouse in the Park in Mt. Adams ~ Check it out.. the new beautifully remodeled theater Saturday from 10am-Noon. 

Ya’lls Game ~ They’re back in action so grab a fun game Friday at 7:30 All first responders and families are free! 

Off Market ~ Saturday 10am-4pm at Summit Park in Blue Ash shop away! 

Loveland Food Truck Rally ~ Saturday from 3-10pm at Shoppers Haven Plaza will host 25 food trucks , beverages, live music, kids area and you can bring non-perishable donations for the Loveland Place Dept. “Stuff-A-Truck”

P.S. don’t forget that Sunday is Mother’s Day .. just sayin’ .. if anyone sees my boys please remind them! 

Hey Michelle,

Do you want to know where to eat, drink and have fun in Cincinnati? Follow me @HeyMichelle1 on IG 
https://heymichelle-help.com

Derby Day is done, but Imbiber Dave says making a great mint julep never dies.

We had absolutely spectacular weather for the Derby in what seems like quite a long time. At least five out of the last seven have been moist, to put it mildly. Well this year was perfect, and imbibing always a little easier when you are with friends on a gorgeous Saturday in May.

You know I had to whip up a batch of mint juleps, and since we stand to have at least a few more spring weeks ahead of us, you should too.

For some reason the green label bottle of Makers mint julep does not taste very good, and neither do any of the other premixes. It’s super easy, and just like making better than average chocolate chip cookies, the only secret is time.

Makers has the perfect mash bill for juleps, so use that. Pour 1/3 of a bottle into a bowl with 30-ish fresh mint leaves. Stick the bowl in your fridge and leave it until tomorrow, at least 12 hours but 24 is best.

Make one cup of simple syrup, which is simply one cup of sugar stirred into one cup of water on your stovetop. Keep stirring and turn it off before it boils.

While your syrup cools, pour your minty bourbon through a strainer into an even larger bowl. Add the rest of that bottle from yesterday. Once your syrup cools, add it to your mint bourbon mixture, and give it a stir.

Pour your julep back into the bottle. Now you math and cooking wizzes are asking what shall I do with this extra bourbon that won’t fit back in the bottle? Well that is the best part. You have enough extra julep for two reasonable or one very imbibing friendly portion. Simply fill your glass with ice, add julep nearly to the top, and sprinkle some powdered sugar to finish it off.

This will be the best julep you’ve ever had.

Cheers!
cincybeerguydave@gmail.com

TUNE O’ THE DAY. . . Speaking of waiting. Have mercy. . .