Bengals-KC pick

Hint: Life won't imitate art

There is no good reason Kansas City should beat the Bengals Sunday night.

I messed around last week, thinking the Bills intangibles were better than the Bengals game. We all do that. And over and over, we learn the hard way that actual games aren’t Hollywood movie scripts.

In Tinseltown, the Bills beat the Bengals and we get shots of Damar Hamlin in the winners’ locker room. The cold and snow were the perfect Hollywood set. Only man missing was George Bailey — star of It’s A Wonderful Life, secret Buffalo tight end — wandering out of the snow globe to catch the game-winning pass from Josh Allen. . .

This game’s movie of the week stars Patrick Mahomes, one-legging it to victory. And you thought Rocky Balboa was The Man.

Game plans and movie scripts don’t win football games. Players win them. The Bengals have better players than the Chiefs. The Bengals have better players playing better football than the Chiefs. The Bengals know how to beat the Chiefs. The Chiefs know the Bengals know how to beat the Chiefs. Burrowhead Stadium isn’t a nod to the Cincinnati quarterback. It’s that little voice squirreled deep in the KC subconscious, telling the Chiefs they just might lose. Because after all, when they play the Men, losing is what the Chiefs do.

Isn’t that accumulated common sense enough to eliminate all that KC feelgood?

There is no “underdog’’ getting “disrespected’’ this week. Sorry, Bengals, the contrived emotion will have to come from elsewhere. There are only the two best teams in the AFC, with one being obviously better than the other.

Group by group breakdown:

Wideouts: Bengals

D-Line: Bengals

Secondary: Bengals

Running backs: Does hungry Joe show up? Bengals

Linebackers and O-line: Too close to call, if Carman does what he did in pass pro’ last week.

Quarterback: Bengals. Would you rather a healthy Burrow who’s 3-0 v. the Chiefs or a hobbly-wobbly Mahomes, who is 0-3 v. the Bengals? Again, common sense.

Coaching: Lou Anarumo or Andy Reid? Well, paraphrasing Trump: I like coaches who win.

That doesn’t mean the Chiefs won’t prevail. This is the NFL, where men are men and gamblers are broke. It’s possible Mahomes exceeds at hopping on his left leg. He’ll hoist the Hunt Trophy Sunday and win a sack race Monday morning.

Travis Kelce doesn’t fumble crucially late in the game, Chris Jones leaves Burrow in a heap and the last shot we see is of Uncle Lou, fading to black while covering his face in his hands as a Harrison Butker field goal finishes Cincinnati with no time left on the clock.

We’d say “close the curtain, it’s a wrap,’’ except this is football not Jimmy Stewart, and there is no curtain.

Life can be a movie dream. But not this time.

Bengals 31

Chiefs 24

THAT SAID, I JUST DOOMED BENGALDOM to misery. The only thing worse than me picking them is me putting money on picking them. I haven’t done that. Yet.

Now, then. . .

THOM BRENNAMAN, matinee idol to millions and host of Off the Bench on Chatterbox Sports, asked me Thursday if I thought a Bengals L would be devastating. Or some such. Good question, given the expectations.

I said absolutely not. If you believe that the good work the organization has done in the Taylor Era is real, you’ll say the same. As long as they keep Burrow, they’ll have a January chance, every year. Duke Tobin had some rough drafts earlier in his term as de facto GM, and he didn’t always have the financial support to plug holes. But the man and his crew have missed on almost no one for three years.

I can think of only Trae Waynes, and Waynes didn’t work out here because he couldn’t stay healthy. The other FAs were golden. Hilton, Hendrickson, Bell, Awuzie, Ogunjobi. The draft picks were deft, including McPherson in the 5th round.

It’s easy to formulate a winner in the NFL, but hard to do. Find a franchise QB, preferably a star on a rookie contract, and build around him.

WISDOM FROM THE HEATHEN NATIONAL MEDIA: Paul Burmeister:

Burrow’s level of play has been locked between steady and spectacular, producing a dizzying number of correct decisions and good-throw sequences. He seems even more dialed in on the biggest stages. See the back-to-back double-digit comeback wins he’s produced against Mahomes, and the way Burrow played in the win at snowy  Buffalo last weekend.

The difference is razor thin, and it could change multiple times during the next decade. Right now, I give the edge to Burrow.

The 33rd Team: “The Bengals know how to play the Chiefs, will take Kelce out of the game and not allow explosive plays downfield. K.C. has trouble handling the blitz and pressure without Mahomes making athletic plays. The ankle a week later will probably be worse than it was in the last game — tighter and mobility will be issue. Pressure packages will get to him, and their offense will be tough to keep consistently moving.

“The Bengals are the most complete team in the AFC. Their offense will be able to handle (Chiefs defensive coordinator Steve Spagnuolo’s) rushes. And if the Chiefs sit back in coverage, they will get picked apart.”

AND NOW. . . In case you believed the weekend didn’t start until 6:30 Sunday night:

Art After Dark ~ Art Museum Friday 5-7 Enjoy cocktails, bites and music while roaming around our wonderful museum  Once Upon a Time in Bollywood. Great theme 

Hearth Lounge ~ Hearth is the perfect cold weather weekend vibe. Live Music and your favorite cocktails Friday Ben Tweedt 8-12 , Saturday Jenna Reel 8-12 

Indoor Market ~ Esoteric Brewing Co every Saturday 2-6 for Black History Month  is hosting black entrepreneurs selling their goods. Grab a beer and shop around.

FC Cincy ~ Single Match tickets on sale Friday at 10am. You can grab your Home Opener tickets which is February 25th, the Hell is Real Derby against Columbus Crew and more. 

Final Friday ~ Pendleton Art Center Friday 5-9. Roam around the studios of over 250 artists. This is a free event but they do offer valet for $10 

Bret Michaels Concert ~ Hard Rock Casino is going to be rockin’ Friday at 8:00 tickets still available  

Cyclones SuperHero Weekend ~ Friday & Saturday will be loaded with hockey and Super Heros! Come meet your favorite Marvel !

The Well in Covington ~ The new place to grab a bite & a drink! This is a really spacious spot with an upstairs and a great outside ready to go when we thaw out. Check out this weekend they’re adding brunch Sat & Sun and are big screen ready for some Who Dey! 

Ice Skating ~ Hit up Fountain Square or Fifty West for some fun on the ice. Both offer drinks and warming tents to add to the fun! 

Boat, Sport & Travel Show ~ This is the second weekend for this huge show at Duke Energy… so go pick up a boat this weekend!

Sunday is of course reserved for one thing only… Football 6:30 game time let’s go! Whooo Dey 

 Hey Michelle,
Do you want to know where to eat, drink and have fun in Cincinnati? Check out my page  
https://heymichelle-help.com

IMBIBER DAVE (Candle) Lights up the Night. . .

My lovely bride took me to the most amazing event this week. Candlelight is an organization that has hosted concerts in over 100 cities across the US. As the name suggests, a group of local musicians play for you in candlelight.

Now we attended a Coldplay tribute at the Bell Center in Pendleton, which was an amazing venue. Two violins, a viola, a cello, and 4,000 candles. Boom. It was simply superb. Even the cocktails were themed, so of course I had to try the Clocks bourbon cocktail infused with honey and lemon.

Their Beatles and Bach tribute is next week at Rhinegeist, and I’ve already put my eye on their Queen show in March.

I’m very happy that these incredible musicians participate, and bring us acoustic covers of the songs we’ve all heard hundreds on times!

Cheers!
cincybeerguydave@gmail.com

PROGRAMMING NOTE. . . Utmost thanks to all youse Mobsters who have pledged money to the TML cause. If/when the paywall rises, you’re in on the ground floor. If our little virtual sports bar goes that route — and I promise you, it’s anything but imminent — Substack’s suggested rate is $8/month or $80/year.

I don’t know, but I’m guessing that’s less than what you’d pay for an Enquirer subscription. Or I might decide to keep it free.

Regardless, please spread the gospel and share TML on your social media. Thank you.

TUNE O’ THE DAY. Never a big fan of Steely Dan — just a little too, I dunno, sanitized for me — but I do like this one. Junior-high dances, when the girls were a lot taller than I was.