Baseball? Insane? Outstanding!

New rules make their debut today.

Baseball’s about to get wacky.

Wacky isn’t normally a term associated with the Passed Time. Slow, maybe. Boring, for sure. Anachronistic, unfair, hopeless. Choose your descriptive. Wacky is not on your list.

Well, it’s about to be.

The first game of spring training happens at 3 this afternoon — Seattle v. San Diego in Peoria, AZ. Max Patkin will throw out the first pitch, a baseball that explodes when caught.

Um, Doc, Max Patkin died a couple decades ago.

He did? Wow. Well then it’ll really be wacky in Peoria, won’t it?

It’s Opening Day for the new rules. Nobody knows what the heck might happen. Oh, we do have some clues, provided by the minor leagues last year. They had pitch clocks, larger bases and pickoff-throw limits. The consensus among bus riders is, it’s no big deal. A couple weeks in, nobody will be bitching.

Maybe. But we’re talking the difference between eager kids and fatted big-leaguers, not to mention several years (or more) of built-in routine. What’s gonna happen when a big-league hitter realizes that between pitches he can no longer (1) adjust his gloves (2) take several practice hacks (3) stare at the young lady in Section 101 or (4) watch The Pride of the Yankees?

It could be tragic. Some hitters are likely to lose their minds. Did we mention that hitters have to be back in the box eight seconds before the pitcher’s 15 seconds are up? Man, that’s barely time enough to roll your neck and adjust your cup.

And pitchers? They’ll have 15 seconds to throw a pitch when the bases are empty, 20 seconds if there’s anyone on base. Pitchers will also only be allowed two “disengagements’’ per hitter. I’ll let the great Jayson Stark explain further:

A “disengagement” is a potentially game-changing development that occurs every time a pitcher “disengages” from the rubber in a couple of different ways.

One would be a pickoff throw. (Another is) every time a pitcher steps off the rubber, even if it’s merely to gather his thoughts, that is also considered a “disengagement.”

After two “disengagements,” a pitcher can no longer throw over to first base — or any base — unless he then picks off the runner. If the runner isn’t out, it’s a balk. And that is going to dramatically alter pitching, base-stealing and the art of controlling the running game.

What’s gonna happen when a big-league pitcher realizes he can’t (1) Step off for hours at a time (2) Go through every statistical permutation for throwing every pitch (3) stare at the young lady in Section 101 or (4) watch The Pride of the Yankees?

It could be tragic. Some pitchers are likely to lose their minds.

You know who loves this? I’m talking about players, not fans. Baseball fans have been comatose around here for years, ever since Sean Casey felt the need to loosen and tighten his batting gloves half a million times per at-bat. I’m referring to players who like to steal bases. They’re going to feel like they’ve been let outta jail.

One, there’s the disengagement thing. You know you can stretch your lead after two disengagements. If a pitcher throws over a third time and doesn’t pick you off, it’s a balk. Two, the bases are bigger, meaning more close plays go to the runners. That will encourage more running. Running is exciting. Holding runners on is not.

Howevuh, there is this, from Bob Nightengale at USA Today:

Considering the pitcher is the one with the ball in his hand, he can dictate just how quickly he wants to throw the pitch, or if he wants to freeze the hitter. Hitters are permitted to step out and call time just once every at-bat. 

“That’s the biggest advantage for us, having the hitter calling time out only once,’’ AL Cy Young winner Robbie Ray says. “If I can get them to call time within the first two pitches, he’s yours, because he has got to be standing in that box for eight seconds. I can wait until the clock reaches 1, so he has to stand there for seven seconds without moving. 

“There’s going to be some big-time mind games.’’ 

Got all that? No worries. The players don’t, either. But they will.

And we haven’t even addressed the end of shifts.

I can’t think of one thing wrong with any of it. In a very real way, every rule takes the game away from the players and gives it back to the people paying them, the fans. No one goes to a game hoping to see pickoff tosses, practice swings and batting-glove adjustments. No fan has ever said, “I can’t wait to see Joey Votto line out to the third baseman who’s playing on top of the 2nd-base bag.’’

The no-shift will mean more base hits, base runners and action. The big bases will expand the need for speed. The clocks will make everybody focus on the game, not on themselves.

Once upon a time, you could go to the ballpark for a 7 pm game and confidently expect to be home by 10. Ckout baseballreference.com for times of World Series games back in the dinosaur days of the Big Red Machine. They were an hour shorter than they are today.

(Another bonus: Time between half-innings has been shortened to 2 mins, 5 secs, from 2:30.)

Fans who suggest that more is better — or even those purists who argue that “time’’ isn’t important, “pace’’ is — miss the point.

More isn’t better. More is just more. I like beer. I don’t drink a six-pack in one sitting. Pace? Time is pace. The longer the game, the slower the pace. Not always, of course. A 14-13 game in 12 innings is going to be long. But most of the time. We’re seeing way too many 3-2 games that take 3:15 to play.

I can’t wait to see the effects the new rules have. Now that they’re here, I won’t have to wait. At all.

Even if you’re entirely apathetic about all of it, consider this: If the changes work how they're spozed to, it'll be two and half hours of your life you'll never get back, not three hours.

Now, then. . .

ONE MORE THING. . . I’d really love for MLB to find a way to limit the number of foul balls a hitter is allowed. I’m not someone who finds a 12-pitch at-bat enlightening or intense. It’s just five minutes of nothing going on.

I recall the maverick minor-league team in Savannah doing something ingenious about it. They asked their fans to bring their gloves, then decreed that any foul ball hit by an opposing player and caught by a fan would be an out.

Wonderful, but possibly a bit too minor-league for MLB.

Regardless, a rule limiting foul balls would make hitters more conscious of putting the ball in play, not simply standing up there wasting pitches.

AND NOW. . .

Imbiber Dave gets his golf game on Track(man)

As we continue to enjoy these pockets of spring in February, I’ve been compelled to keep my golf clubs nearby. If you’ve read the blog for a while you may know that like Doc, I’m a huge fan of the links, and play fairly consistently in the spring-fall seasons.

I’m a decent player and could be better if I put the practice time in, but I’ve always been partial to playing versus practicing. Recently however, TrackMan has swayed my opinion. You most likely have a golf simulator within 10 minutes if your house, and most of them are powered by TrackMan.

These amazing machines allow you to play the back nine at Pebble Beach like a real tournament. I was shocked at how immersive the experience is versus simply hitting balls, and even if you only play for an hour, you’ve hit at least as many balls as nine holes.

Playing a buddy is immediately competitive, and you feel more locked in than simply aiming at a random target. It’s almost like you are at a bowling alley, but to me golf is so much more fun.

So whether you meet for coffee, a beer, or a few cocktails, check out a Trackman range or indoor simulator this weekend.

Cheers!
cincybeerguydave@gmail.com

TUNE O’ THE DAY. . . Growing up in Bethesda, MD, I’d frequent a joint called the Psyche Delly. This was mid-70s, when rock was still rolling and seeing great bands didn’t cost you your first-born child and a Chevy station wagon.

Up the street from the Delly was the coolest radio station ever, WHFS. Occasionally, when the big groups came to DC to play, band members would stop at ‘HFS to plug their upcoming local concert. Then they’d walk a few blocks to the Psyche Delly to sit in with whatever local band was headlining that night.

Nils Lofgren played the Delly a lot. The legendary Root Boy Slim was a regular. So were the Nighthawks. They were among the best bands I’ve ever seen live, and that includes J. Geils and Bruce Springsteen.

I remember Gregg Allman sat in with them more than once. As did Steve Miller.

Here’s a slice of live.