Joe Burrow gets cash for signing his name
Mawnin’, glories. Maybe we should change the title of this pile of brilliance to The Whenever I Feel Like Writing Line. Existential Question: If one is retired and takes a few days off, is it a vacation?
Having spent the previous four days in AZ (Tucson 4-Clouds 0) committing golf with the eternally sunshine-y Bengal Boy, I feel obligated to discuss the local professional football team. B-Boy considers them perfect in every way (he really does) and is ready at a moment’s notice to wash Joe Burrow’s feet.
Monday was a special day for the Bengals QB. Philly signed Jalen Hurts to a five-year, $255 million contract, about $179.3 million of it guaranteed. One hundred and 10 meeel-yun is guaranteed as soon as he puts pen to paper. Hurts is the richest player in NF of L history, which means he will make more in five years than many small nations make before the first coup attempt. It follows that Burrow could do slightly better.
Eagles Sign Hurts for GDP of Sierra Leone;
Burrow Now Asking for Liechtenstein.
Guaranteed in Joe Burrow’s next contract
Rumor has it that St. Joe would consider Rhode Island and a diamond mine outside Kimberley, South Africa. Negotiations are ongoing.
The story is not that the Bengals will pay Burrow. They’ve already asked if they could borrow Pat Mahomes’ 10-year, $450-mil money truck. The question is how the money will be disbursed. The team will want it done in such a way that allows the franchise to contend for titles over the deal’s full length.
There’s no indication that Burrow doesn’t want the same thing. But Philly signing Hurts first very likely made Burrow more expensive. The razzmatazz details that accompany mega-deals might be used by The Fam to soften the bigger hit. Maybe the Bengals guarantee Joe more money than the Iggles guaranteed Hurts. Maybe they give Burrow more years.
According to people who know such things, Hurts’ deal is very sal-cap friendly, meaning Philly will be able to maintain some semblance of a title team. Hurts’ cap number is $6.15 million this year and $13.56 million next. By NFL QB standards, that’s a nice win for the club.
Hurts also got the first no-trade clause in Eagles franchise history. Knowing Burrow’s sensibilities the way we think we do, that might be something he’d be interested in, too.
All of which is a labored way of saying that optimism should rule here. The Bengals will pay Burrow the going rate because they have never not done that for one of their QBs. Their fists get tight at other positions. Burrow will be realistic in his asks, because, well, we all believe titles mean more to him than money, And really, once you’re in mid-seven-zeroes range annually, the cash ceases being about cash, and becomes more about ego.
Burrow has ego. It doesn’t run in that direction.
Now maybe the Bengals should get Joe’s deal done before the Chargers re-up Justin Herbert. The elite QB market ain’t gettin’ any cheaper.
Now, then.
DING-DONG, THE DANNY’S DEAD. . . Snyder has a preliminary deal to sell the Commanders, meaning I can at least think about resurrecting my affection for the team that was my birthright. A bad owner and a worse human being, Snyder absolutely wrecked one of the league’s flagship franchises. His list of transgressions is too long to list here. Let’s just say in his 24 seasons of stewardship, Snyder effectively destroyed a seemingly indestructible fan base. A half-full FedEx Field was shockingly routine for a team that once had a ticket waiting list that rivaled the Masters.
Commanders owner in front of typically packed home stadium
At the height of the Jack Kent Cooke-Bobby Beathard-Joe Gibbs Era, nothing mattered so much in DC as the Redskins. I mean nothing.
Snyder is the classic example of someone who Doesn’t Know What He Doesn’t Know. He tried buying Ws, foolishly throwing money at geriatric former stars (Bruce Smith, Deion Sanders, Dana Stubblefield). He brought back Gibbs, but didn’t let Joe run the show. The improprieties in his front office (and those perpetrated by Snyder himself) dirtied the franchise and sullied the image of the league.
Yahoo! Sports:
Multiple Washington Post investigations uncovered allegations from more than 40 women of sexual harassment and a toxic workplace culture under Snyder, including an allegation that Snyder ordered the compilation of video footage of partially nude team cheerleaders without their consent.
Snyder was also accused in 2022 of financial impropriety involving failure to disclose ticket revenue to fellow owners and defrauding season-ticket holders of refundable deposits. The workplace misconduct and financial impropriety allegations both prompted inquiries from Congress, which determined that Snyder "permitted and participated" in toxic conduct and provided "misleading testimony about his efforts to interfere" with an NFL investigation.
There is nothing good to say about Snyder. His greatest gift to Washington’s once-proud football team will be finding his coat and the door one last time.
Youse have had a field day this century trashing Mike Brown, sometimes with justification. Compared to Dan Snyder, Mike Brown is Mahatma Gandhi.
LET’S RUN THIS BACK. . .Snyder paid $800 million in 1999 for the Redskins. He’s selling the Commanders for a reported $6 billion, pending NFL approval, which will come as quickly as you can say, Gettheforkouttahere.
That’s a return on investment of $5.2 bil, to a guy who did nothing to improve what he bought. Never let an owner (or partner) of a major pro sports team tell you how hard said ownership can be.
TRIP REPORT. . . Four days, four courses, four rounds, way too many FORES! Maximus hosted Bengal Boy, Pogo and me at his palatial estate 20 miles north of Tucson. Heaven’s earthly address is the Saddlebrooke community where Max now mostly resides.
Definition of heaven: Two golf courses within a golf cart’s commute.
We bloodied those courses. Or, rather, they bloodied us. For those who play golf, but have not played in the Southwest, beware. The fairways are as thin as a dollar bill, even on the best-conditioned tracks. You best be able to strike your ball cleanly. Also: Their rough isn’t our rough. You aren’t punching out from behind trees or power-slamming a wedge through tall cud.
You are flailing through rock/pea gravel etc. Maximus has a beater club solely for the purpose of rescuing errant tee shots from the seeming quarries lining the (very) short grass. Just so he won’t ruin his good sticks. And that’s if you can find your ball in the first place. Which more often than not, you can’t.
The desert is a hard place, filled with lots of stuff that will hurt you. Cacti, mesquite bushes, thorny things, snakes, javelinas, scorpions, et cetera. Saving a cut ProV isn’t worth an ER visit.
All that said, the golf was wonderful. The thin fairways offered monster roll. The greens were fast and true. Sunshine was assumed. The weather was San Diego. On Saturday, the humidity was 12 percent. Really.
The desert itself can be an acquired taste for those accustomed to green. But it comes with its own charms. The mountains are chameleons, changing hues as the sun rises and dips across the day. The air is clean and at night, crisp. The desert darkness and quiet is complete.
TML sez ckout Tucson, Phoenix’s more charming little brother.
Catalina Mountains near Tucson
TUNE O’ THE DAY. . . Because I am old, I do not recall playing this one recently, or ever. If I have, deal with it. I heard this guy do this tune live in 1975, while sitting in a tree on the campus of American University in Washington, DC. It was the afternoon of my senior prom.
No when one is retired there is no vacation only different locations for sleeping …
Former Indian Hill resident, expert with the wah wah pedal, coming to PNC Pavilion in June. CHECKITOUT!!!