What $#^%^* Chisholm Trail?

Ever think there's something going on we don't know about?

The boys at the Diner

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It’s FreeForAll Tuesday, when wisdom don’t cost nothin’ but your time. If you’re seeking quality enlightenment, it’s a mere 8 bucks a month. If not, well, I’ll leave you to figure out what Nick Krall is saying at any given moment. Enjoy.

There’s a scene in the transcendent movie Diner in which Kevin Bacon and Mickey Rourke happen upon a woman on horseback, enjoying an early morning gallop on her family’s very large estate outside Baltimore.

She knows she’s All That. More to the point, she knows Bacon and Rourke are decidedly not. Rourke is a shameless reprobate in the movie, proving that art actually does imitate life. He pulls the car over to chat with the damsel. They talk about riding styles. He asks her what her name is.

Rourke is so out of his league, he’s Crash Davis hitting against Cy Young.

“Jane Chisholm,’’ she says. “As in the Chisholm Trail.’’ Jane Chisholm as in the Chisholm Trail then rides away like the wind, leaving a befuddled Rourke in her wake.

“What (freakin’) Chisholm Trail?’’ Rourke asks Bacon, who replies, “Ever think there’s something going on we don’t know about?’’

These words from this wise, knowing scene are ones I’ve repeated a million times in the 42 years since Diner opened in theatres. WFCT is a catch-all, go-to phrase for anyone who spends any time walking through life banging into the furniture. Which is all of us.

You think there’s something going on we don’t know about?

Oh, yeah. I do. It’s reaffirmed every time I seek to understand, you know, anything.

Take this morning. First thing I read after I wake up is an ESPN.com story headlined, “Alabama Agrees to Record Deal With GM Courtney Morgan’’

Who did what for whom about what?

Alabama football general manager Courtney Morgan has agreed to a new, precedent-setting contract with the Crimson Tide following a summer approach from USC, sources confirmed to ESPN on Monday night.

Morgan will earn an average of $825,000 annually under the three-year contract, a deal that bolsters his place as college football's highest-paid front office figure.

WFCT?

Maybe you knew college football factories now have “general managers’’ working in “front offices.’’ Good on ya. Does UC have one? Does Xavier have one? Ohio State must have several.

Morgan spent the past two seasons with Kalen Deboer at Washington, then followed the 49-year-old coach to Alabama earlier this year when the Crimson Tide hired Deboer to replace Nick Saban. The former Michigan, San Jose State and Fresno State staffer has been critical in assembling a 2025 recruiting class that sits second nationally in ESPN's latest team rankings for the cycle.

I wasn’t done shaking my head when I read this quote, from Oklahoma State football coach Mike Gundy:

'Tell your agent to quit calling us and asking for more money.’’

If I’d seen that request uttered even three years ago, I’d have thought we were living in a parallel universe, the one inhabited by Elon Musk and NFL quarterbacks. Now, I just swivel my dome slightly. I guess the OK-State players will have to talk to the general manager up in the front office.

WFCT.

The day of befuddled enlightenment was still young when I read a CBS Sports story about a poll they conducted, of college basketball coaches. Paraphrasing, their question was, “what have you been paying free-agent basketball players?’’

I understand the money is good, compared with what entry-level pros in most businesses are getting. You wouldn’t pay a recently minted college grad with a degree in Accounting six figures to do your books. A jock taking his girlfriend out to dinner is more expensive than it used to be.

Rumors of high-six-figure paydays are not uncommon. Also, not often true. I thought I was up to speed on this. I was not. The WFCT Moment-O-The-Day? CBS Sports:

Among the power-conference coaches we polled, the main thing you need to know is that a whopping 77% of them told us their staff has been asked to pay at least $1 million in NIL for a player. Does every power-conference transfer ask for that much money? No. Does every power-conference program pay that much money? No. But what the results of our poll showed is that impactful transfers at the high-major level are indeed routinely asking for at least $1 million to enroll.

That’s Jane Chisholm money right there.

What we heard from most coaches (is) that nearly every player in the transfer portal worth pursuing is asking for something, often something out of line with reality. One coach told us he was informed that it would take $400,000 to get a transfer who had just averaged around five points per game at the mid-major level. 

If you’re not sittin’ fat at Thickwallet State, how do you compete? Does Xavier have a secret money-printing machine stashed somewhere in Evanston? A vault containing NIL millions, behind a wall at Dana Gardens?

WFCT.

I console myself by rationalizing that not even the participants fully understand what’s going on. One side knows there’s money. The other side’s charged with coming up with it. After that, it’s all Jane Chisholm on her horse.

WFCT.

I THOUGHT MAYBE I’D DO BETTER AT POLITICS, so I read a story in the morning paper about young voters.

Uh, OG, there is no such thing now as a ‘morning paper.’ You can read it anytime you like.

The interviewer asked 20-somethings where they get their news. One guy said he got his info “from social media and not major media corporations because I don’t trust legacy news media to be objective in covering politics."

But he does trust TikTok.

Other youngsters said they avoided the news. They “spoke passionately about issues they cared about, but when asked how they kept up with the news, there was a resounding commonality: They don’t.’’

They’re so passionate about things, they don’t have time to research them.

I don’t really watch anything on television. I’m not really on social media as often as I should be as a normal 20, 21, 22-year-old.”

They feel guilty about not spending enough quality X time. I need to lie down in a cool place.

WFCT.

I’d suggest that if you don’t have time to study the issues, you don’t have much reason to bitch. If you get your news from social media, that’s your fault.

I know, I know. That’s just a very WFCT thing to say. When I was 25, I didn’t do my civic homework, either. But how can you both blame the media and ignore it?

You think there’s something going on we don’t know about?

SPEAKING OF, THE LATEST FROM EARTH 2. Reds President of Baseball Operations Nick Krall was asked to assess the job David Bell has done in this shrug-worthy season of water-treading at the Small Park.

‘‘I think he’s done a solid job,” said Krall.

Awesome. What does that mean?

(redlegnation)

“There’s been some really good things that have happened this year with a lot of different things.’’

No doubt. Like what?

“We’re still trying to figure out ways to win.’’

That’s reassuring.

“I think we all need to figure out how to get better in some way.’’

Well, yes, that would seem to be the goal.

When speaking to the man who runs the Reds day-to-day, it would be wise to remember, you’re Mickey Rourke. He’s Jane Chisholm.

TUNE O’ THE DAY. . . This is magical. Skip the first 1:15, when Van talks about something mystical and irrelevant, and zone in on John Lee’s singing and playing. If you stick around for the whole thing, you’ll see Morrison smile, perhaps for the only time in his life.