Ten Things From the Ugliness
It's only one game?
Yeah, well, I fired the Predictions Guy. I suspected he was a fraud, then I caught him Monday afternoon picking Bengals-Browns by throwing darts at a board. That guy suggested yesterday in This Space, “The Bengals will beat the Browns tonight. The only difference between having Ja’Marr Chase and not having him is, the Bengals would have beaten the Browns more easily with him.’’
That genius said Cincy would win by 10. Cincy lost by 19. And today, that bum is looking for work.
You’re firing yourself, Doc?
Of course not. I’m saying I need to be more careful with the hires I make.
You’re firing yourself.
Yeah. OK. Maybe. If I decide to keep myself, here’s a tip because I love youse and I want you to win money: Whoever I pick, take the other guys. If the Bengals did what I, er, that bum, had predicted, they’d be 7-1 now. They’re, um, not.
Anyway. . .
Staring at the end of the world this AM? Or shrugging it off as just another night in the wacky NF of L, where the phrase Any Given Sunday Monday is not just a slogan but a way of life?
In the name of consistency, I go with the latter. Remember: In the league, parity is extreme enough, it has turned the predictable glide of a four-month season into a series of 17 one-act plays. Unless you’re KC, Buffalo or Philly, what you did this week has no bearing on what you’ll do next week.
Don’t try to draw definitive meaning from any one game, or even a month of games, as long as that month comes before the middle of December.
Yeah, The Men stunk it up in the Monday Night footlights, every way imaginable. Uninspiring plays, uninspired players, dead running game, blown up front 7, injuries mounting. They’re done. Definitely. At least until they host Carolina on Sunday. The Panthers lost this week because a wide receiver celebrated a game-winning TD catch by taking off his helmet. Lookitup.
The bye happens a week from Sunday. Then The Men go to Pittsburgh, to play the worst Steelers team since Terry Bradshaw was a rookie. Six-and-four will look pretty good. Certainly better than 4-4 does today. And Chase will be back by then, or close to it.
You gotta ride the wave in the NFL, lest you lose your mind.
All that said, it could be time to re-assess just how good this team is. Maybe .500 or slightly above is a more realistic expectation. As stated many times here, the Bengals got every break last year. They weren’t hurt, they got hot at the right time. That doesn’t happen often in the socialist NFL.
Monday was a chance for the Bengals to re-enter the postseason conversation. They didn’t so much as whisper.
Trying to find Definitive in the wreckage of Monday night? Read on.
Without further ado. . .
The worst happening last night was Awuzie’s knee injury. We don’t know how bad it is. Zac Taylor suggested it was bad. Awuzie was having a good year, the Bengals are now razor-thin at corner. A trade isn’t likely because (1) there aren’t a boatload of quality corners on the market and (A) this is still the Bengals we’re talking about.
Zac lost his nerve. Again. Anyone else had their fill of the horizontal passing game? Three yards to Perine on 3rd-and-8 doesn’t cut it. The Browns were missing their best corner from what was already a bad pass defense. If you’re gonna lose, at least do it with your 6-shooter blazing, yeah? The Bengals were back in tiptoe mode. That said, if they’re not going to be consistently aggressive with Chase in the lineup, why should we expect them to be consistently aggressive without him? And we’re not even talking about the fact that Taylor absolutely did not have his team ready to play.
Is Mixon done? Has Taylor lost faith in him? Fair question or overreaction? Yet another week you guessed the Bengals would work to get the running game going, yet another week they didn’t even try. First 19 plays, 15 (sideways) throws. If you watch a lot of NFL, you notice things, such as how hard running backs run. Mixon has not run hard much of the year, in comparison with guys that should be his peers, ie Saquon Barkley and Nick Chubb. Why? Could be the holes aren’t there, could be Mixon’s feeling his age and all the hits. Could be his confidence is missing. Could be all of the above. Whatever, the run is a rumor now.
The Bengals blew a game-changing chance after the Davis-Gaither pick. First down at the 49 late in the 2nd quarter: On 1st down, instead of drawing on the momentum of the pick, Burrow throws sideways to Mixon for a gain of none. After a nice 21-yarder down the middle to Hurst, Burrow throws for 5 yards to Higgins, then gets sacked. On 3rd-and-14, Burrow throws sideways to Perine for 5, setting up the 47-yard field goal that McPherson missed.
Speaking of interceptions. After Vonn Bell got one, the whole defense had to run all the way to the endzone to celebrate the man doing his job. Imagine the rest of the world behaving this way at the office. “I just finished that quarterly report!’’ Cubicle Man announces. Immediately, a dozen of his co-workers sprint to the break room to offer Cubicle Man high-5s. While his peers gleefully spray coffee all over the room, Cubicle Man burns a spread sheet in celebration. Please, please act as if you’ve been there before, and will be there again. The partying on the field looks like amateur hour.
I fear for Kevin Huber’s future. Another shank last night. Used to be, a Huber shank was as rare as a Joey Votto pop up. Drue Chrisman is still here, on the practice squad.
Troy Aikman, after Amari Cooper beat Trey Flowers deep for a TD: “It’s not even fair.’’
Joe Buck in the 4th quarter, Bengals down 25-0: “This is about as bad as they can play.’’
Cold hard facts: The Bengals are 0-3 in the North and won’t win it. They still have to play KC, Buffalo and Baltimore, plus Tennessee and Tampa on the road. How many of those five might they win?
Taylor said afterward, “I’m confident that’s not who we are.’’
Really? Why is that? You lose by 19 to a bad opponent in a division game. The QB who beats you is a placeholder, yet another in a long line of placeholders you’ve been gifted to face this year. (Name Carolina’s QB, win fabulous prizes chosen just for you.) Your play-calling is timid, you have no running game, you’ve squandered an easy schedule. Seems like a pattern to some of us.
Now, then. . .
HOW BAD IS IT that I like it when the wind blows my unraked leaves into the yard next door?
The only thing making that bearable to see was watching Peyton and Eli Manning's version of the game on ESPN2. Boomer was good, as was the Kelce brothers. I don't think I ever want to watch a game again with "normal" announcers. The Mannings did a better job analyzing the game than most color commentators. And at least made made me laugh.
One of your better “Ten Things”. I can’t really add anything. The game was a complete fiasco, starting with the play-calling head coach being “timid” and clearly not having his team ready to play. (It’s really hard to believe all 3-4(?) coaches agree on the plays he calls. If they do, they’re all pretty timid and unimaginative.)