Name's Krall. Rhymes with Hall

But he's not Monty. Making deals is hard

What’s behind Door Number 2?

*

This is the time of the hardball season when the Sillies come out. You know: The fans who think Manhattan-for-beads can happen again, only this time on a speakerphone call between Nick Krall and someone with a 3rd-grade education. Fans wildly overestimate the trade value of Their Team’s Guys and basically believe the other team’s GM is a rube.

A what, Doc?

Trades are hard. Big trades are harder. They’re complicated by salary considerations, owner considerations. ego considerations, no-trade clauses and the sort of optimism that has dreamers thinking their team that’s 5-under .500 now is still in the playoff-run business.

This ain’t the Willie Mays Hayes League, which happens to be the name of my fantasy circuit. (First place now, baby, my Scufflin’ McMurphys are on a serious roll.)

Let’s just sum it up this way: Nick Krall isn’t Monty Hall and there is no Door No. 3. (OG reference, kids. Lookitup.)

The Reds will not be dealing Nick Senzel or Kevin Newman for anybody’s mid-rotation dependable, OK? Don’t be surprised if Aug. 1 rolls around and America’s Team has not added a cavalry’s worth of high-caliber pitching arms.

That said, here’s the TML take on who’s out there and the Reds chances of landing him. Feel free to add your own. And be assured that anyone we end up recommending, the Reds will not acquire.

Looking good in red?

*

YOU MUST BE JOKING: Max Scherzer. Might be available, would be a devastatingly good add, but not here. There aren’t enough tomatoes in the world to pay his salary.

WHAT, YOU THINK WE’RE STUPID? Wade Miley, Drew Smyly, Marcus Stroman, Jack Flaherty. All would be worthy adds. They all pitch in the Central, for teams (excepting St. Louis) that still believe they’re in the playoff mix. I’d love to have Miley back. Gives you six dependable innings much of the time. With the Reds offense, he would do well.

On the all-star Stroman: (His) strong start made it seem likely he would exercise the ability to opt out of the final three seasons of his five-year, $77 million deal,

His 2024 player option can climb to $23 million if he reaches 160 innings pitched this year, but the opportunity to land a significant multi-year deal as one of the top starting pitchers on the market will far outweigh that one-year guarantee. (Bleacher Report)

See Those Rent Me Patches on My Jersey Sleeves? Lucas Giolito, Zack Greinke, Aaron Nola. All are free agents after this season. Are the Reds in the market for a mercenary? Giolito would look nice behind Greene and Lodolo, and Abbott for as long as the Reds dare run him out there. (Talking about his innings, not his ability.)

Nola is in the last year of a 5-year, $56-mil deal. He has been very good or very average in 2023. That equals $15 mil a year these days. Too rich for the Big Man’s blood. And Greinke? How much would he help them? He’s 39, had exactly one W and is relevant only when he pitches at home.

Ah, but Giolito. . . He’s 3-1 since May 30, dropping his ERA from 4.00 to 3.45. Six of his eight starts since have been Quality. Giolito is in his final year of arbitration, making $10 mil. You can expect that number to soar in free agency, but at some point, the Reds are going to have to go to the vault for pitching if they’re serious about bringing championship baseball back to Cincinnati. Giolito is only 28 and has proven to be at least a viable mid-rotation starter.

I Might be Available, But Am I Worth It? Shane Bieber is the cornerstone of Cleveland’s rotation, except his stock is dropping like a very good sinker. He’s losing juice on his fastball. The other day, he got pounded by the Royals.

His strikeout rate has plummeted to a career-low 16.3 percent, a mark that ranks 63rd among 66 qualified starting pitchers. His fastball velocity has steadily dropped from 94.1 mph during the 2020 season to just 91.2 mph this year, and he is leaning more heavily on his slider as opposed to his curveball which was his go-to strikeout pitch a few years ago.

As a result, Ken Rosenthal of The Athletic reported that rival executives do not believe he will "fetch a significant return" on the trade market. (Bleacher Report.)

Well, that’s not a totally bad thing, as far as the Reds are concerned. And Bieber still has a year of arbitration left. But the Guardians are in 1st place, albeit at 45-45. If they deal Bieber, they’re (1) capitulating and (2) telling us they don’t believe Bieber has it anymore. Is he worth a Reds gamble?

This Guy is Interesting. . . and Do-Able. . . Eduardo Rodriguez was ripping it up for the bad Tigers until he messed up a finger and missed six or so weeks. His first start back, the A’s tore him a new one. Howevuh. . .

He’s young and improving, has a 2.64 ERA and shown an ability to pitch deep into games. Money, though, could be an issue.

(His) strong start made it seem likely he would exercise the ability to opt out of the final three seasons of his five-year, $77 million deal. (BR) If he opts out, he’ll make a tall cash pile. But, see Giolito, above.

And finally. . .

You Get What You Pay For. . . Alex Cobb is a 5-inning guy, but he’s 6-2/2.91 in 89 innings. He prospers in pitcher-friendly San Francisco (4-1, 1.24) but not on the road (2-1. 4.50). Feel free to wonder how he’d do at the Small Park, even if has allowed only six homers.

Cobb’s money is Reds-friendly: $9 mil this year, $10 mil next, with a $2 mil buyout. This one feels OK. But SF is 49-41 and very much in the wild card mix.

So whaddaya think, Mobsters? If I were a bettin’ man, I’d say Giolito to win, Cobb to place and Rodriguez a longshot to show. More than likely, the Club gets someone else who’s sorta underwhelming. Deals are hard to do.

Now, then. . .

TAKE ME OUT OF THE STARS GAME. . . This season's Midsummer Classic averaged a record-low 3.9 rating and 7.01 million viewers, down 7% from last year's record-lows of 4.21 and 7.51 million, according to Sports Media Watch. The MLB All-Star Game has now set a record-low in ratings with five of the past seven games (2016, 2018, 2019, 2022, 2023). (Yahoo Sports)

THIS IS A JOKE, RIGHT? The Bucs are bringing back the Yucks old unis.

*

"Our fans have waited a decade to see our players back in these classic Creamsicle jerseys, and we are excited to celebrate our rich legacy when we debut these one-of-a-kind uniforms on Oct. 15th against the Detroit Lions," Buccaneers chief operating officer Brian Ford said in a statement.

They have? Why?

Classic? Tampa’s even resurrecting “Bruce’’ the pirate. What a great name for a fear-stoking swashbuckler. Bruce.

As the Bengals have demonstrated, orange doesn’t go well with anything. Their attempt at the Creamsicle Look doesn’t work, either.

Debating Best Jerseys is trite and true, but never dull. I still go with the 60s-70s Eagles, white with kelly green trim. Or vice versa And anything the San Diego Chargers pulled on.

Generally, the simpler, the better.

And please, no more black. Once, it was cool. That was about a million years ago.

LIKE GOING TO THE ORAL SURGEON. . . In a few minutes, we’re going to the Social Security office, to (hopefully) have our monthly Medicare bill reduced. They’re still basing it on what I made at the Enquirer, where I haven’t worked since last July 1. The king’s ransom I made then is no longer.

(Never forget youse get this daily brilliance for nuttin’. I expect deep bows from the waist.)

We’ve dealt with SS on Jillian The Magnificent’s specific issues enough to know to pack lunch and dinner at their office. Godspeed to us.

A MEDIOCRE EFFORT FROM THE HEAD MOBSTER?

Oh, definitely. I need to hire better joke writers. Is Josh Sneed available?

TUNE O’ THE DAY. . . Haven’t spun this one ever. A classic 1-hit wonder for me, right up there with Dancin’ In The Moonlight.