It's Not Hot. We're Just Wimps

Getoffamylawn Guy says: Get out into the daylight, sportsfans

I don’t like air conditioning.

No, lemme try that again. I like it, but I could live without it about 360 days a year. I did live without it, until I was 12, and even then, the AC in our house was a window unit in my parents bedroom. We’d drape a sheet across the top of the stairs, a very high-tech way of confining the cooling to the 2nd floor.

Really great, Doc. Always fun when you break out the OG rants.

Bethesda, MD, where I was a kid, is not the best place to live AC-less. It’s eight miles from DC. DC was built on a swamp. The summers are hot, the humidity feels like a puppy’s breath. But, you know, somehow a nation was born lacking conditioned air.

So, yeah, this will be a small OG rant. One of those extremely relevant “when I was your age’’ go-offs and a nod to the obvious “things were better then’’ riff that Man has heard since he dragged his knuckles around the Olduvai Gorge.

World Atlas

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What, Doc?

It comes up now as the temps begin to nick 90 around here, which will send some snowflakes into mass spasms of hot panic. In Pittsburgh, it already has. NY Times:

Alan N. Johnson, the superintendent of the East Allegheny County schools in the Pittsburgh metropolitan area, said in an interview on Thursday afternoon that he was closely monitoring the heat in his school buildings but had so far managed to keep them open.

Outside, the temperature was 86 degrees. Inside, he said, the second floor of the building that houses middle and high school students had reached 83 degrees as the school day was nearly complete.

Eighty-three degrees as the school day was “nearly complete.’’ Oh, the misery. If the little darlings had been outdoors, recess-ing, nobody would have said a word.

Teachers were distributing bottled water to students and urging them to stay hydrated, Mr. Johnson said, while fans had been made available for use in the hottest classrooms. In order to help students stay comfortable, he said, the dress code was more loosely enforced.

I wasn’t aware that Pittsburgh had become the Amazon Basin. When did that happen?

It’s good, though, that the brave superintendent “managed’’ to keep the schools open. God love the kids for their fortitude in coping with 83 degrees in the shade. Truly a lesson for us all.

The best part of summer as a kid is being in the thick of it. You spend all day, every day doing what kids do, none of which involves “staying hydrated’’ while sitting under a fan and pondering a dress code.

Ready for it?

WHEN I WAS A KID, my mom put a quarter on the bureau in the living room and threw me into the day. Be back by dinner. Have a good day. Don’t break anything.

In the tropical blast furnace of a DC summer, I had a bike, a baseball glove, a quarter and whole days to figure what I could do with each. I don’t ever recall being miserably hot. Do you?

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We didn’t belong to a swim club, there were no public pools. Movie theatres were air conditioned, but no self-respecting 12-year-old would waste a summer day indoors. I never dared hang around the house because (1) It was just as hot inside and (2) My mother would find something loathsome for me to do.

No AC meant no temptation to linger in the indoor comfort. Hot just was. If you didn’t experience AC, it never occurred to you how hot you were.

At night, with the windows open, we heard the world. Lots of crickets, becoming orchestral at dusk. I don’t recall the last time I heard a cricket. Cats howling, dogs baying, the neighbors airing it out. Life sounds through open windows. Unspoiled by the hum of an air conditioner.

I don’t recall, but I’d venture to say on lots of early June days in Bethesda in 1970 it was 83 in the classroom. Nobody closely monitored the heat. Or especially agonized over it.

Now, then. . ,

JUST PITCH, MAN. . . Max Scherzer got all bent Thursday because the wonderful new pitch-clock rule messed with his mojo. Yahoo!:

“Look, I’m doing my normal routine,” Scherzer said. “Why do we need to step through the game and have the umpires change routines when it’s not my fault of what’s going on here … Why do we need a pitch clock for that situation? If I throw one more pitch, what, I’m one second slower?’’

Max’s catcher was late putting on his gear. Those precious few seconds of delay didn’t allow Max time to throw the agreed-upon eight warmup tosses. You’d have thought the National Pastime had just switched to square baseballs.

"It's situations like that that really are frustrating not only for pitchers, players, but even umpires," Scherzer said. "That's what Tripp says. Tripp (the umpire crew chief) is handcuffed. Why is Tripp handcuffed to not allow something normal, a normal routine? Just a normal routine. Why can't Tripp make that call?’’

Why can’t you just roll with it? Are you special? Are you and you alone allowed to defy the rule that has worked wonderfully and brought much-needed pace back to a slogging game? Why should MLB bow to your need for a “routine’’?

Stories didn’t mention exactly how many tosses Scherzer was allowed. Five? Six? He’s a professional, he’s been in the big leagues 16 years, pitched 2,730 innings. Is his psyche so delicate that he can’t allow for the occasional 5-pitch warmup?

This isn’t about players and umpires feeling “normal’’. It’s about Max Scherzer feeling he’s special. Take the ball, throw it and be quiet about it.

AND NOW. . . Hey Michelle! fills your weekend with mirth and merriment.

Zac Brown Band at the Reds game Friday night ~ following the 5:10 game against the Brewers and the Friday night fireworks! This is epic and let’s watch these Reds keep rolling these W’s!

FC Cincy plays Saturday to keep their winning streak! ~ Saturday 7:30 against the Chicago Fire .. Let’s Go!!

Claude Monet Immersive Experience ~ Now open! I got to check this out and it’s great. I think these experiences really bring historic art alive for young and old and make it fun and alive. 18 W. Fourth St.

Butterflies of the Meadow ~ Krohn Conservatory shows off the beautiful butterfly collection now through June 18th. Always a fun family outing. 

Summerfair ~ The 56th annual fair at Cincy Island is hosting over 300 artists of all kinds from all over the country. Food, drink and bands too! This is a ticketed event. 

The Pinta is here! Or at least the Replica of a Portuguese Caravel used by Columbus and early explorers. This “floating museum” will be docked at Hooters in Newport now until June 14th. Small ticket price for entry

Bricktionary: The ultimate LEGO A-Z exhibit at the Cincinnati Museum Center. There’s over 150 models to check out! 

Free R&B at Washington Park~Friday Flow is 7-10 enjoy Keith Robinson local, regional and national R&B artist. Also, enjoy food, drinks and great vibes. 

Pride Parade in NKY ~ Kentucky kicks off Pride month with the parade Sunday 11am at Goebel Park and then hit the after party at Hotel Covington for fun drinks and a show! 

Hey Michelle,

Do you want to know where to eat, drink and have fun in Cincinnati? Follow me @HeyMichelle1 on IG 
https://heymichelle-help.com

Imbiber Dave Finds Kindred Spirits (And Beer) in Reading, PA

Ok stay with me for a moment please. I visited the small-ish town of Reading, PA this week. Now why would I mention this random locale to this largely Cincy audience? Well this town just so happens to be heavily German.

We walked into the B2 Bistro with very high imbibing hopes, and we were not disappointed. While we waited for our oversized Bavarian Pretzels, we enjoyed a Pizza Boy Brewing Murren River IPA.

The apps were as delightful as the company, and they had all the right craft beer and cocktail options to pair with what we were eating. Sitting inside but next to all the open doors and windows, it had a feel like Moerlein House or Filson’s on the river.

Now don’t get me wrong, Reading isn’t going to replace Cincinnati as a German stronghold anytime soon, but the similarities struck me. The people are passionate about their culture, and they don’t mind holding on to tradition. It kinda felt like home, and that was cool.

Here’s hoping you find a way to get out for some imbibing with your friends and family this weekend!

Cheers!
cincybeerguydave@gmail.com

TUNE O’ THE DAY. . . I love kickass two-minute songs. They’re very hard to pull off, because two minutes is just enough time to get in and get out and make it sound entertaining. My favorite in this mini-genre is Happy Just to Dance (Beatles) followed closely by the Stones’ Rip This Joint. Travelin’ Band (CCR) is also good.

This one’s right up there, too. Especially like the intro.