Friday Funday (and Andy Dalton?)

Where to go/what to do here and around the country

During the gilded age of TML 1.0, i.e the 17-year run at the Enquirer that ended in July, Thursday was the preferred day for fun-n-games. I took Friday off. Now, as we continue the 2.0 rollout, we’ll be switching F-N-G to Fridays. Imbiber Dave and Hey Michelle have moved their invaluable info machines. We’ll pause in the middle to offer some not-so-revisionist opinions of the shruggable Andy Dalton Era in Cincinnati, but for now, we’re all in on All Fun Friday.

THE JOYS OF TRAVEL. . . Over the decades, I did a lot of speaking. A lot? If you need directions to any Catholic church west of Tri-County Mall, I’m your guy. A popular question was, what is the best part of your job.

That was easy. Not the games or the bad free food or the Marriott points. The travel. I got to see all the country and some of the world on Mother Gannett’s dime. I never missed a chance to explore every city I visited. Even Buffalo. So without further ado (and just in case you want something cool to do the next time you’re in Buffalo) 31 great spots in 31 road cities in the NF of L.

Note: Some spots require a vehicle. You can’t just walk out the door of your downtown Marriott.

ARIZONA — Superstition Mountains, about an hour east of Phoenix. Desert beauty, glorious silence, bighorn sheep.

ATLANTA — The Varsity. Your stomach might not thank me. Your taste buds will.

BALTIMORE — Fells Point. Take the water taxi across the harbor.

BUFFALO — The Elmwood Strip neighborhood just outside downtown. Bars, shops, restaurants, cool older homes. Delightful, walkable.

CAROLINA — One of the few places I have no solid recommendation. Feel free to help a brother out.

CLEVELAND — Ohio City, the neighborhood home of Great Lakes Brewery. Liquid gold from the source.

CHICAGO — Any walk you can take along the lake. Before, like, Halloween, when the weather turns yuck. I used to like Wrigleyville, before it became a Disney-esque tourist destination.

DALLAS — Dealey Plaza. There’s an actual X on the road, marking exactly where JFK was assassinated. It’s sad and tragic. But it’s history. If you’re like me, you’ll be amazed how close to the road the Texas School Book Depository is to that X.

DENVER — Boulder. And Golden, birthplace of Keystone Light and other, lesser beers.

DETROIT — Um, ah, well…

GREEN BAY — Duh.

HOUSTON — My least favorite US city. Weather like the inside of a dog’s mouth. Precious little zoning. However, the neighborhood around Rice University is very nice.

INDY — Carmel.

KANSAS CITY — Independence, Mo., the home of Pres. Harry Truman. Great walkable old neighborhood, underrated commander in chief.

LOS ANGELES — Griffith Park, Los Feliz neighborhood, Dodger Stadium. And on and on and on.

JACKSONVILLE — St. Augustine.

MIAMI — Coconut Grove, Little Havana

MINNESOTA — One of my least-visited places. I went to Lake Minnetonka once, during a Super Bowl Week there. Watched a guy ice fish from a hole in his shack on the frozen lake. That was pretty cool. I mean, sort of, if you’re into that kind of thing.

NEW ENGLAND — Providence. My favorite small city in America. Walkable downtown flush with old, charming neighborhoods. Brown University provides the gravitas. A short drive to Newport, which is fantastic. Never go to gridlocked Boston when Providence is an option.

NEW ORLEANS — Frenchman Street, where music rules in a city where music rules. The Gumbo Shop in The Quarter. My friend Frank will snicker at that, but what the heck, he lives down there. Lucky Frank.

NEW YORK — My son’s place in Bushwick, Brooklyn. A million things to do and, you know, my kid’s there

LAS VEGAS — I drove to Lake Meade once. That was nice.

PHILLY — Independence Mall. Philly International Records, home to Teddy Pendergrass, who could really sing. (See today’s Tune, below)

SAN FRANCISCO — In very specific order: Angel Island, Mama’s restaurant on Washington Square in North Beach, Coit Tower, Macondray Lane (look for it), Rodeo Beach across the Golden Gate in Marin County. SF has its problems. Incredible places to go isn’t one of them.

SEATTLE — Kerry Park on Queen Anne Hill. Ballard.

PITTSBURGH — (1) Mt. Lebanon. (2) The area near the Pitt campus where Forbes Field used to be. They have it all ID’d, where Bill Mazeroski’s 9th-inning, 7th-game homer beat the Yankees in 1960. The Reds have nothing like it, to mark Crosley Field. They should.

TAMPA — My condo.

TENNESSEE — Loveless Cafe, Bourbon Street Boogie and Blues Cafe. Vanderbilt campus. Leiper’s Fork. And so on.

WASHINGTON — Bethesda, where I grew up and no longer recognize. Great Falls (Maryland side). Tastee Diner.

Have fun. It’s a great, big country out there.

Now, then. . .

ONE OF THE MANY BENEFITS OF DOING THIS JOB is the people you inevitably meet along the way. Such as Dave Bailey, aka Imbiber Dave, whose words for the past five years or so have informed my drinking habits, and hopefully yours. Dave and I finally met yesterday, at a fine little craft brewery in Loveland, right on the bike trail. I’m sure Dave will be telling you about Narrow Path soon.

For now, here’s his weekly take on everything Adult Soda:

We may go into some sort of imbibing overload this week. Where does one reach peak existence you might ask? The happiest place on earth of course.

These days, one does not simply stroll into Disney. There are rules, and they must be followed. The planning process was pretty intense, but all joking aside California’s Disneyland is a fantastic experience.

Yes I know, walking through these gates makes bottle service in Vegas feel more like free samples at Costco. But, this being our first time taking the boys, it was well worth every penny.

Don’t worry, I’m not going to list every ride in the park, but please indulge me to share how insane Star Wars is in person. The layers of depth are truly unbelievable. The fact that all cast members appear to be in deep cover at all times is astonishing. Rise of the Resistance is the best ride experience of my life. You should try to stand inside a star destroyer while being intimidated by a garrison of storm troopers at least once.

It left me with this feeling that many of these employees are imbibing on a daily basis, entertaining strangers who have traveled from all places and walks of life, and they do not disappoint. To me, there’s just no way someone does a job like this so convincingly every day if it doesn’t fill their cup in at least some small way. I get that they are being paid to do these jobs, but it does still feel magical, even to a typically cynical adult.

Ok time to cool off nerd. Thankfully you get to the drink at the actual Star Wars cantina, called Oga’s. I of course ordered a Coruscant Cooler, their take on a Manhattan. Very tasty. The boys enjoyed their Blue Bantha milk and alien Pretzel knots, what a classy joint!

After 17 more rides, toys, confections and snacks shaped like Mickey, it was time for one very deep pour of scotch before falling asleep before making it to the bed.

Cheers!
cincybeerguydave@gmail.com

AND HEY MICHELLE MAPS YOUR WEEKEND like a Michelin Guide:

This Weekend will be over in a BLINK 

Ok this is what we’ve been waiting for .. BLINK kicked off Thursday night with the parade on 5th St. starting at 7:30. It’ll hit the streets every night through Sunday. There will be 101 installations spanning over 30 city blocks from OTR to Covington. The drone show at the river is the one I don’t want to miss but this only happens 2 times a night 9 &10:30. Don’t worry about parking hassles, the Metro and TANK are offering free rides from Cincy State, CPS Board, UC Digital Futures Building and NKU. AMAZING 

Topgolf Live Stadium Tour ~ Let’s try a different swing at Great American Ballpark (can’t hurt :). Through Sunday you can tee it up and hit balls Topgolf style. Food & drinks available for purchase Ticketed event.

Skatefest Cincy at Sawyer Point ~  Saturday 11am-10pm get your roller-skates on and get ready for some skating fun with skate choreography, All-Star Skater Showcase, Music, food trucks and more 

Frisch’s Skate Rink ~ This will be popping up for the weekend and will have a light projection as part of Blink. You can reserve your skate time or you can just show they’ll have skates to rent. 

After Glow Party at OTR Stillhouse ~ Saturday from 9-2 keep Blinking with music, dancing and more fun

HallZOOween at the Cincinnati Zoo ~ It starts Sat & Sun starting at noon and will continue each weekend of October. Rest the little ones as they get treats throughout the Zoo. Enjoy the Theater of Illusion Shows, Hogwarts Express and more. 

 Do you want to know where to eat, drink and have fun in Cincinnati? Check out my page  
https://heymichelle-help.com

ANDY DALTON seems likely to start Sunday for the Saints. When I was asked my take on Dalton’s nine years here, I always said, “I’ll remember him more for what he didn’t do than for what he did.’’

He didn’t win a playoff game. (0-4)

He didn’t connect in the end zone with an open AJ Green in the final moments of that playoff L in Houston.

He didn’t elevate his team. He was generally as good as his teammates were. Rarely better. When he was better — an MVP candidate in 2015 — he broke his thumb making a tackle. Remember?

That said, Dalton went to 3 Pro Bowls. He went 70-61 as a starter. With Marvin Lewis, he dug the franchise from what had seemed a bottomless hole. Without Marvin and Andy, there is no Super Bowl appearance last season.

Dalton was accurate, careful and a stand-up guy. He lacked the It Factor.

Since leaving here, he has played for three teams and gone 8-9 as a starter, which is a decent metaphor for who he is. I always thought Neil O’Donnell was the perfect Caretaker Quarterback. Dalton is a close second.

It looks like he’ll be without his two best receivers Sunday and yet even without Michael Thomas and Jarvis Landry the Saints put up 39 last week. This week, they could also be without rookie wideout Chris Olave (concussion).

I’ll say the Men take advantage, though please note I’ve picked them to win four times already.

Men 30, Saints 20. Dalton, 17-25, 202, 1 TD, 1 INT.

TUNE O’ THE DAY. . . Speaking of Philly and the late, great Teddy Pendergrass.