Don't Make This Man Mad

Was Bill Cowher right about Jeff Saturday?

Bill Cowher is a scary guy when he’s pissed off. His players in Pittsburgh nicknamed Cowher The Face. In stormy moments, The Face is a force, all narrowed eyes and jutted jaw. And, well, if he’s yelling at you, you best be wearing rain gear. The Face has been known to spray his anger like locker-room champagne.

Cowher was angry Sunday morning, and what you thought of his rage probably explains how you define the importance of head coaching in the NFL. We’ll get to that presently.

Cowher had a problem with the Colts hiring Jeff Saturday as interim coach. Saturday played center 14 years in the NFL, many of them snapping to Peyton Manning. He was a six-time Pro Bowler, he owns a ring.

Most recently, he was a studio analyst for ESPN. His head coaching chops came at a parochial high school. This didn’t sit well with Cowher. Here’s part of his Sunday rant:

“What about the assistants on the staff right now? The guys that were there in training camp and there early in the mornings and late at night? Guys like Gus Bradley. Scottie Montgomery. John Fox. For an owner to hire a coach who's never been an assistant at the college level or the pro level. It's a disgrace to the coaching profession.’’

Well.

Cowher could have picked better examples than Fox and Bradley. Bradley won 14 games in four years as Jacksonville’s head coach. Fox did well at Carolina and in Denver. He took the Panthers to the Super Bowl. But he’s 67 and in his most recent attempt at head-coaching went 14-34 with the Bears between 2015 and 2017. The term “recycled’’ comes to mind.

Cowher’s point that Saturday never paid his dues doesn’t fly. Ask Cowher how many jobs he worked covering sports at a local TV affiliate before he ascended to the CBS Sunday throne. The Face never showed up in the snow of a Friday night high school game. He is Jeff Saturday, in a nice suit.

Lots of former NFL coaches and players get plum gigs that people who go to school for those gigs never get. Dan Hoard is an excellent broadcaster, one of the best anywhere. He worked his ass off to get where he is. College at Syracuse, gigs at Fox 19 and broadcasting AAA baseball. He earned it. What did Bill Cowher earn that merited his current cushy job?

Beyond all that, are you catching what Cowher is pitching? Just because an assistant coach has a resume worthy of Rushmore doesn’t mean he’s qualified to be a head coach.

Or does it?

If you believe that coaching or managing a baseball team in 2022 is more about relationships and managing/motivating people, maybe you think The Face is off base. If you think the job is more hands-on and thus more rewarding of experience, maybe you agree with Cowher.

Take Zac Taylor. Most would agree that Taylor’s forte is not Xs and Os. He didn’t distinguish himself as UC’s offensive coordinator for a year under Tuberville. In LA, he was Sean McVay’s QB coach. McVay is hands-on when it comes to coaching QBs.

Taylor’s play-calling has been questioned heavily, not without reason.

Howevuh. . .

His ability to manage people has been impressive. Last year was a good example. This year could prove even better. Everything went right last year for The Men. This year has been typically bumpy by NFL standards. Injuries have been a factor. Burrow’s recovery from an appendectomy has been a factor.

It’s too early to tell, but if Taylor gets this team to the playoffs and it manages to win a game, you’d have to say his talent for culture-building and keeping things together through the bumps and bruises will have been high-level.

Of course, it’s about players more than anything. But in the socialist NFL, everybody has good players. And Taylor will have guided the Bengals for a time without Chase and Reader.

Look at what has happened to the Rams. Notice the Raiders. A defending Super Bowl champ, a playoff team. Off the map.

So, are you with Cowher or not?

Jeff Saturday did win his inaugural game, by the way. Even if it was against the two-win Raiders.

Now, then. . .

THREE DEAD IN VIRGINIA. . . A former UVA football player shot five of his former teammates yesterday. Three died. Just another day in America. In other news. . .

We’ve lost this war. We lost it the day Sandy Hook happened and our elected officials did nothing, because their constituents didn’t force the issue. We have our Rights in this country, doncha know.

Responsibilities? Oh, yeah. Those.

Now, when people are murdered in America, it faintly registers as news. Dead people have no rights. They have only living relatives and friends (thoughts and prayers to them) and lives that will never be lived.

It’s mental illness, it’s the openness of schools. Did you know tens of thousands of Americans died last year of fentanyl overdose? Nobody says anything about that.

It’s social media, it’s the liberals. They’re soft on crime.

Whatever.

There are lots of opinions on the issue. There is but one fact:

Using guns, we kill lots of people in America. We kill more of our own people than any other country in the world, except Brazil. You want to live in Brazil?

Meantime, three more people are dead. Our hearts go out to their families. Of course they do.

JOAN DIDION was a brilliant essayist with a keen ability to shine a light on the American condition. I’m reading a book of her work now, but that’s not the point I’m making today. In the intro to her collection of essays, Slouching Towards Bethlehem, Didion concludes this about writers generally and journalists in particular:

Writers are always selling somebody out.

Agree or disagree?

There is an element of truth to that, at least in sportswriting. A writer is pleasant to a player/coach/manager when the writer needs something. The relationship is totally transactional. If that player/whoever deals with that writer long enough, there will come a time when athlete feels conned by writer, usually after writer has written something less than flattering.

The subject feels like, I helped you in the past. I might have even trusted you. What’s this BS you’re writing about me now?

If you’re a sports scribe and don’t feel the least bit guilty about that, you’re either overly self-righteous or kidding yourself.

So. . . what?

My standard retort/rationalization was this: I do my best to be fair to whoever I’m writing about, even if it stings. I don’t owe you fealty, but I do owe you honesty. Sometimes, being decent to me helps you out. I remember your help when forming an opinion on you or your situation.

But yeah, I’d be lying if I said Joan Didion was wrong.

Messy business sometimes.

TUNE O’ THE DAY. . . My favorite one-hit wonder, even if I can’t remember every one-hit wonder.