Don't Fear the Reaper, Bengals Fans
No tricks in Cleveland tonight, just a meaningful (monster) mashing
Pessimism is the nature of the Cincinnati sports fan. We live in a Chicken Little universe around here. It’s a learned behavior. Our motto isn’t “expect the worst and you’ll never be disappointed.’’ Maybe it should be.
It’s not that the local Sportsfan doesn’t come at it with serious intent. If you win, he will come. But ducking falling skies is the best defense mechanism for hearts that are wary. Our hearts are wary.
Which gets me to Bengals-Browns.
This is where the Bengals start insinuating themselves into serious January discussion. They’ve been nothing special for seven weeks, beating (most) teams they should beat, losing to the only relevant QB (Lamar) they’ve played. Of the 10 games they have remaining, only Carolina is a bigger layup for the Bengals than this one.
They’ve spent seven weeks finding their footing and are talented enough to be 4-3 and half a game behind the Ravens. Tonight it’s time for them to stand tall and be the team they aspire to be. Will they?
The Bengals will beat the Browns tonight. The only difference between having Ja’Marr Chase and not having him is, the Bengals would have beaten the Browns more easily with him. Instead of a 14-point W, it’ll be a 10-point W.
Call it 27-17 and don’t look back.
You wouldn’t know this from listening to the masses, who have been conditioned to expect the worst, hope for the best and keep an eye out for banana peels. Lots of talk of how the coaches will have to scheme around Chase’s absence, how Joe Burrow is 0-3 v. the Browns, how Nick Chubb will run for several days v. the DJ Reader-less defense, Myles Garrett and Jadeveon Clowney will make Burrow eat dirt etc. etc.
Well, forget that.
The Bengals still have Boyd and Higgins and the emerging tight end Hayden Hurst. The Browns have the 24th-best run defense in the league. It’s your time, Joe Mixon. The Browns don’t have CB Denzel Ward and TE David Njoku. They do have Jacoby Brissett, yet another in a remarkable run of backup QBs the Bengals have faced.
The only way the Bengals lose is if Burrow sack-fumbles more than once and Chubb does indeed run for days. That could happen. But it won’t.
Maybe you forget who The Men are playing tonight. The Browns have been a Three Stooges franchise since they returned to the league. No more so than in 2022, which started with them acquiring Deshaun Watson while Watson was under investigation for assault. The Browns due diligence before handing Watson the keys to the Brink’s truck?
“He said he didn’t do it. We believe him.’’
Watson is in the middle of an 11-game suspension. The Browns are in the middle of a four-game losing streak. They’re 2-5, beating only Carolina and Pittsburgh. Chicken Little Syndrome only goes so far. Chin up, Sportsfan. Even without Ja’Marr, it’s the Browns who’ll be doing the Chase-ing tonight.
Now, then. . .
PKING DOESN’T THINK SO. . . From his Football Morning in America column:
Cleveland 24, Cincinnati 23. The Bengals are better, but the Browns are desperate. If they fall to 2-6, season over, even with Deshaun Watson returning for the last month-plus. The Ja’Marr Chase (shoulder) absence for a few games will be a big factor. I think the Browns have one clutch prime-time game in them this year, and they’d better win it—or, at 2-6 and at Miami and at Buffalo out of their week nine bye, this year’s all but cooked.
Um, shoulder?
C. LITTLE LIVES WITH UC FANS. . . They want Evan Prater. Ben Bryant was under siege at UCF Saturday. His receivers dropped multiple balls, his defense stood down at winning time. The players as a whole need to be reminded that ‘22 isn’t ‘21. But Saturday’s L was all Bryant’s fault, naturally.
Believe it or not, UC is not always going to have seasons like 2021. Even with the move to a big-boy league and the new cash explosion coming next year, UC is never going to be a program that can’t lose to Central Florida. In fact, the folks at UCF think their program is every bit as successful as UC’s program is.
Was Bryant the problem at UCF? Some. Would Prater fix the problem? Hard to say. He can move, he’d give defenses something more to think about. Can he thread the needle on 3rd-and-12?
“We have to really look at it and see the other ways we can use all of our guys the best way possible," was Luke Fickell’s vague answer to that question. It seems logical to get Prater in games situationally. Wildcat, for example. Run-pass options. But unless you’re sold on his ability to throw with accuracy, he’s not your QB1.
UC needs to win out to win the AAC title again. If the Bearcats do that, no one will be surprised. If they don’t, well, greener pastures await.
MONEYMONEYMONEYMONEY. . . MONEY! A huge deal for the Big 12 means an extra $32 million a year for six years for UC. Sports Business Journal:
In striking these deals prior to the exclusive negotiating window with ESPN and Fox, the Big 12 managed to achieve several of its primary objectives, namely stability and security. The conference also likes the idea that the shorter six-year deal that runs through 2031 means that the Big 12 will be back in the market ahead of both the SEC, whose deal with ESPN goes through 2034, and the ACC, whose ESPN deal expires in 2036.
The new deal doesn’t include money from the College Football Playoff, bowl receipts and third-tier television rights, all of which could increase the take to $50 million per school.
All this from a conference seen as reeling from the losses of Texas and Oklahoma to the SEC in July 2025.
No one knows where any of this is going long-term. But for now, this deal brings the 12 some stability and some cash. The Big 12 is not worried for its survival. That problem now belongs to the Pac-12.
I NEVER THOUGHT THE STEELERS would sink this low. I know the Eagles are very good. I know Pittsburgh is starting a rookie QB that lots of people don’t believe will be a very good pro. But it’s not just the QB. The O-line is regrettable, the defense as a whole is nothing without TJ Watt. Pittsburgh never had a chance in Philly yesterday. When was the last time you could say that about the Steelers?
They waited 2-3 years too long to replace Ben, sure. That doesn’t explain how they could let the rest of the team decline the way it has. The Stillers have absolutely nothing going on.
TRICK OR TREAT, YOU BOZOS. . . Consider this the annual rant v. all you 40-somethings who tonight will dress up like 8-year-olds and wash down Kit Kat bars with a vat of pinot noir.
You don’t look good in the Batman costume.
You’re not funny in the Joe Biden get-up. Or in the Trump wig. Trust me, there is nothing funny or fun about Trump or his orange hair. Leave the evening to the kids, who are still blessedly young enough to understand unabashed joy, without a trace of irony. Youse’ll feel better about yourselves in the morning.
Some disagree, such as the writer who typed this, for the Atlantic magazine:
When everyone is wearing a dumb outfit and surrounded by tacky decorations, you all withhold judgment together. You might even remember, just for a second, who you were as a young child: unencumbered by pretensions and insecurities, present and goofy and willing to take things as they are.
Nah, I’d still look at the 60-year-old dressed as Nancy Pelosi and wonder what the hell he/she was attempting.
My parents spent every Halloween in our basement with all the upstairs lights turned off. That might have been somewhat extreme. But not altogether, you know, wrong.
AS FOR SCARY MOVIES. . . My list is my list and it will not change. The scariest movies involve the stuff you don’t see. Writing good horror is hard. Performing it is harder. Most scary movies since the original Halloween simply end up with lots of blood on lots of knives. Yawn.
The special ones don’t. For me, they are, in order:
The Exorcist. The undisputed heavyweight champ.
The Strangers. Unheralded, scary as hell. You’ll never look at a cabin in the woods the same way. TML sez ckitout. Tonight, with the lights off.
Don’t Look Now. Old (1973) but terrifying.
Wait Until Dark. Not horror, per se. But Jesus, one scene near the end will make your head bump the ceiling. OGs will know what I’m talking about.
Generally, any movie with dolls and clowns makes me nervouss.
AS ALWAYS, if you like The Morning Line, please share it to everyone you know and everyone you don’t. Thanks again.
TUNE O’ THE DAY
. . . You can hear this on the radio in Annie’s car, in a scene from Halloween.
PKing saying Chase has a shoulder injury tells us all we need to know.
"Youse'll" - thanks for inventing a new contraction.
My sister and her fiancé (now married for 45 years) took my brother and me to see “Wait Until Dark”. When we left the theater, we noticed my future BIL had left nail marks on our sister’s hand from “that scene”. We all jumped a bit at “that scene” too, as did seemingly the entire theater. Not a Halloween-type scary movie, but “Play Misty for Me” always brings chills too.