[COPY] Sam Hubbard is Really, Really Fast

The Play enters the Bengals lexicon. On to Buffalo

Well now we’ve really seen it all, haven’t we?

At the Combine five years ago, Duke Tobin sidled over to Sam Hubbard and asked, “What’s your time in the 98, son?’’ To which Hubbard replied, “Twelve-point-as-fast-as-it-needs-to-be.’’ Bright guy, that Hubbard. Went to Moeller.

The Bengals drafted him a few months later.

Two years after that, Tobin and a panel of experts that included three MENSA members, a neurosurgeon and an elementary school psychologist cornered Logan Wilson in a meeting room at Lucas Oil Stadium, home of the Combine. After they asked Wilson if he liked ketchup on his scrambled eggs, they wanted to know this:

“If you had to punch the football from the outstretched hand of a quarterback who was trying to break the invisible plane, would that seem compulsively violent to you, or natural?’’

Wilson chuckled, tipped back his Stetson and slammed a stream of Skoal into the nearest spittoon. “Natural, sir,’’ he said. “When I was growing up in Casper, Wyoming, I roped steers before breakfast and branded ‘em by noon.’’

The Bengals drafted Wilson a few months later.

Well, OK. There are ways to win a game, and there was the way the Bengals won the game Sunday night. Maybe it’s the time of year, yes and maybe it’s the time of man (name that lyric, win fabulous prizes chosen just for you) but the NFL always comes ready to play in January. It wears the wacky suit like no other sports conglomerate. The Bengals advanced wackily to the divisional round Sunday night, by literally grabbing victory from the jaws of defeat.

They turned what would have been (yet another) miserable postseason L into what just might be a booster rocket to the Promised Land. I don’t need to elaborate. You saw it, same as I did. Question this morning is, are you brave enough to believe it?

It was 17-all with some 11 minutes to play, and the wolves of disappointment were in the parlor, waiting on salvation. Somehow, without their MVP QB, on the road in a big house for 66,000 certifiables, the Ravens had forged a tie game and were poised to finish the Dub.

First down at the Bengals 2 became 3rd down at the Bengals 2. That’s when B-more backup Tyler Huntley tried to defy physics. A sneak. . . from the 2? From a bunched formation?

It was a bad idea to begin with. Huntley made it worse by choosing to go over the top of the pile, then holding the ball over his head before the ball broke the fruited plane. That was wacky, man.

Then Messrs. Hubbard and Wilson did what they did and now the Men will be in Buffalo next weekend. Again: Do you believe?

These wacky wonders do not exist in a vacuum. They are a main ingredient in the simmering pot of Fate in which the Bengals find themselves. If you can win a game like that, how could possibly not win the next three? Maybe not exactly in that fashion, but you get what I’m saying. These things happen for a reason.

The Bengals won’t see a D any tougher than the one they saw last night. Surely not in Buffalo, where the Bills gave up 31 to Skylar Somebody. Not in KC, where they don’t do well defending the pass. After that? Well, Seattle did OK Saturday v. the 49ers, at least for a half.

We’re getting ahead of ourselves, yes. But it’s fun to fit the Men with the Destiny Dress. After last night, it fits.

Now, then. . .

TEN THINGS. . .

1. Losing Jonah Williams is huge. I thought the Bengals could survive without Collins and, then, Cappa. Adeniji and Scharping have had legit experience. But the thought of 60 minutes of Carman. . . at left tackle? Shiver-ous. Zac Taylor was understandably vague about who plays next week. But he didn’t sound hopeful about Williams. “We’ll see who’s available and do our best to rep them and get them going,” Taylor said.

BTW, is it too much to ask for Carman to tuck in his jersey?

2. The Joe Burrow Inevitability Meter rests at 6.5. The way the Ravens played D took away the home run balls. Burrow did check down to decent effect and didn’t lose patience. But the offense only scored 17 points. The defense won the game.

3. I was really glad NBC chose not to show the endzone cluster after Davis-Gaither picked Huntley early. Act like you’ve been there before. Because you have.

4. In some ways, the Lamar-less Ravens played a nearly flawless game. That 17-play TD drive that cut the Men’s edge to 9-7 was vintage Ravens and kept them in the game ‘til the end. Until. . .

5. Some weird clock management by John Harbaugh all but took them out of it. The visitors drove to the 17 with 1:17 to go. Harbaugh had two timeouts, yet he allowed more than 30 seconds to run off the clock before calling one.

6. Lamar didn’t even make the trip with his teammates. Wow.

7. A cynic might suggest the Bengals cup runneth over with good fortune. That punched-out football hit one player and. . . flew right to Hubbard, who happened to be behind the pile, with an unobstructed flight to the opposite end zone. Need a little luck in this world. . .

8. Harbaugh said Huntley was supposed to go low on the sneak. “A burrow play,’’ he called it.

9. The erstwhile Money Mac missed his 4th XP of the year. This isn’t the month to be missing chippies.

10. Buffalo was far from impressive, holding on for dear life against a 3rd-string rookie QB. Josh Allen is very good. He also had a hand in three Bills turnovers. Allen has committed an incredible 22 turnovers, highest in the league. And finally. . .

11. Hubbard was asked his best memory of The Play. “Probably the feeling of just running to the sideline and seeing everybody’s face. You can’t replicate a feeling like that,’’ he said. Oh, yes, you can, Sam. Yes, you can.

12. The Men play the Bills Sunday at 3.

Now, then. . .

THE ONE AND ONLY CHAD left a $1,000 tip on a $78 check Saturday night at the Holy Grail, along with the notation, “Ravens don’t stand a chance tomorrow!! Who Dey.

Ocho has done this before, many, many times. I recall seeing him one night at J. Alexander in Rookwood, comping a party of eight’s dinner. And they were Steelers fans. Very cool of him.

THE WEEKEND THAT WAS. I wished I’d made some moneyline wagers. I went 5-for-6 straight up, losing only that goofy Chargers-Jax game. I nailed the Giants upset, I had the Men scoring 24. Kirk Cousins proved me right (perpetually not clutch) by making his final, 3-yard completion 5 yards short of a 1st down. Game over.

A few clubs had trouble swallowing. LA most notably and egregiously, followed by Buffalo and to some extent, the Vikings. SF needed a half to solve Seattle, then crushed the Seahawks. Is there anything problematic about the 49ers? Not at the moment.

SO LONG, MY FRIEND. . . We helped send Frank Abell home Saturday. His family and friends gathered for a memorial at St. Mary’s Cemetery in St. Bernard, then repaired a mile down the road to the Wiedemann Brewery, where we offered the proper salutations.

Frank was a loyal Mobster and a fine friend. He grew up here, attended Roger Bacon HS, UC and Xavier, but spent the last 20 years in New Orleans. He loved his Bengals and Bearcats. I was happy to be his sounding board/psychologist after Bengals games. Our texting threads could be quite lengthy.

One of the best parts of doing what I’ve done is the good people I’ve met along the way, because of it. Frank was good people. He’d have loved Sunday night.

He was only 71. Seize your days.

TIME OF YEAR, TIME OF MAN. . . A line from Woodstock, dudes, recorded by Joni Mitchell and Crosby, Stills and Nash.

TUNE O’ THE DAY. . . Sometimes, nothing but a shot o’ airy, mindless pop will do. This one-hit wonder very much qualifies. She knows what you’re thinkin’ of.