Behold the Bengals "Experience''

Does state-of-the-art make the actual art better?

Bengals 2023 Media Dey set rendering at Paycor Stadium (Bengals)

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The Cincinnati Bengals are going all 21st century while we’re still in the 21st century. Will wonders never cease?

We’re talking stadium improvements. Excuse me, stadium “amenities.’’ PayJoe Stadium will never be the Disney-fied spaceship that, say, LA’s SoFi Stadium is. It’ll never overwhelm you like JerryWorld (thank God) or make you feel like you’re living in a mansion for a few hours, a la Mercedes-Benz Stadium in Atlanta. But for l’il ol’ us, PayJoe (OK, Paycor) is a stunningly credible attempt at keeping up with the rest of the sports world.

We of a Certain, less gilded, Age look at this unlikely Bengals/’Nati transformation and cringe and smile, often at once. Does state of the art actually make the art better? Has the game itself become insufficient unless it’s accompanied by gaudy displays of luxury, more food choices than Manhattan and “A Cincinnati-themed mural, created by a local Cincinnati artist, that will (make) fans will feel like they are in the jungle when walking through the west side of the stadium?’’

That last bit of pertinence comes from the team’s PR department, which is eager to show off the changes made to Paycor. Some are cosmetic, some promise better food and drink and shorter wait times. It’s all well and great. This is in no way a criticism. Just an observation.

With questions:

When, exactly, did pro sports cease being “games’’ and start being “experiences’’?

When did ballgames become “content’’?

Uh-oh, Doc’s going full-on Old Guy today. Wait for “When I was a kid. . .’’

When I was a kid, we had 2 season tickets to the Washington Redskins, who played at DC Stadium. Imagine that, a facility not named for a stock trading house, a ketchup or a company that sells payroll software.

RFK, nee DC, Stadium

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Then: Jim Daugherty bringing a soft-sided cooler containing four cans of Schaeffer beer into the stadium, one beer for each quarter.

Now: Driving speed of service and convenience, the Bengals added 78 self-service kiosks, seven new self-order and pick-up locations and 14 grab-and-go stands.

Then: Jim’s 10-year-old spending half a frigid December 1968 game against the Lions in the bathroom, heated by a million other fans with the same idea, just to stay warm.

Now: Well-heeled fans complain about too much heat in the lux-box. Other swells enjoy the club lounges and occasionally glance at the football game.

Then: Jim Daugherty listens to the Redskins radio broadcast with the aid of a transistor radio and an ear plug, seeking relevant details and scores of other games.

A what-sistor radio?

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Now: New videoboards featuring an entirely new LED interface will wrap around the upper and lower stadium bowls creating more opportunities to showcase engaging content on gameday.

Am I coming off as completely Cro-Magnon here? Oh, yeah, no question. Would 10-year-old Doc have preferred a seat in the club lounge, rockin’ hot chocolates, than huddling in the men’s room like a refugee? Of course.

New banners, graphics and murals will be installed throughout Paycor Stadium to add energy and excitement.

Well, that’s just awesome.

I just wonder, a little, what the point is.

To the millions of youse who claim to have attended the Freezer Bowl, I ask this:

What might you say about that experience today?

I was there on that 57-below day in 2023. You wouldn’t believe how tough it was to take off all those layers of clothes just to get into the club lounge. Then after the game was over, I had to put all that stuff back on. You have no idea what it was like, struggling with three sweatshirts and half a dozen pairs of wool socks. Brutal.

Yeah, but think of all those gameday favorites such as chicken, burger, chili and BBQ concepts.

Of course. Why should “food’’ be “food’’ when it can be a “concept’’?

Good for the Bengals, who are giving fans what they want. I guess. Attending NFL games long ago stopped being a workingman’s pleasure. The irony in all this, of course, is this:

Attending games used to be special because we left our living rooms for a real-live setting. Now, we simply bring our living rooms with us. That’s the essence of the whole “experience.’’

If the “content’’ is good, well, all the better.

Now, then. . .

MOUNT CASHMORE JUST GREW A FEW FEET. . .

Los Angeles Chargers quarterback Justin Herbert reset the market on Tuesday when he agreed to a five-year deal worth a reported $262.5 million.

Herbert becomes the third quarterback this year to agree to a blockbuster extension following new deals between the Philadelphia Eagles and Jalen Hurts (five years, $255 million) and the Baltimore Ravens and Lamar Jackson (five years, $260 million).

Chargers quarterback Justin Herbert's extension carries an average annual salary of $52.5 million, the highest in NFL history.

Herbert's deal makes him the highest-paid quarterback in NFL history based on average annual value ($52.5 million). It also sets the playing field for the Cincinnati Bengals and star quarterback Joe Burrow, who remain in talks on an extension. (CBS Sports)

JOHNNY THINWALLET COULDN’T BELIEVE IT. . . Last night, I had dinner at a Blue Ash grill that shall remain anonymous. Chicken sandwich, salad, beer. All good, except the sandwich was condiment-less and a little dry. I requested a side of mayo.

Well.

Let’s start with the notion that a chicken sandwich should arrive at your table/barstool with something on it. Aioli, avocado, salsa, whatever. Mayonnaise, maybe.

The bartender brought me one of those tiny plastic containers filled with mayo.

And added 75 cents to my bill.

That’ll cost ya.

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Seriously. Have you ever been charged for mayo? Good thing I didn’t get fries. The added cost of the ketchup might have broken me.

Your thoughts on this outrage.

YOUR RESPONSE WAS PHENOMENAL to my invitation to join my wife, me and tourmaster deluxe Larry Fannon on a 10-day jaunt to Italy or Ireland in 2024. Larry said half an hour after I posted the news, he’d gotten 20 e-mails and several phone calls.

In case you missed it the first time:

Larry is a Loveland guy who has led tours across Europe for 30 years. He specializes in Italy — where he has owned a place in Tuscany for the past 12 years — and Ireland. Larry’s business is strictly word of mouth, no advertising, and he takes only small groups, so the experience is more personalized.

Larry’s target demographic is couples who have retired or who are close to it, those who have the time required to fulfill a lifelong dream. If you have any interest in touring the wine country of Italy (which we did last month, best trip we’ve ever had) or seeing the length and breadth of Ireland, please let Larry know by emailing him at:

cruisetheinternet@gmail.com or call him at 513-368-1900.

Given the immediate and significant response so far, the tours are likely to fill up fast.

TUNE O’ THE DAY. . . I somehow neglected to mention the passing of Tony Bennett last week. Sad day for lovers of music that doesn’t involve noise, misogyny, outrage, wanton self promotion or endless attitude.

Here’s my favorite Tony tune, by miles.

$262.5 million, making him the highest-paid quarterback in the NFL. 

Herbert's deal pays him an average annual salary of $52.5 million, which surpasses two deals that were inked earlier this offseason by Philadelphia's Jalen Hurts and, more recently, Lamar Jackson in Baltimore. Jackson's five-year, $260 million extension will pay him a record $52 million per season, putting him just ahead of Hurts ($51 million) and new Jets quarterback Aaron Rodgers ($50.271 million). However, they're all now looking up to Herbert. 

Prior to Jackson's deal that came down in April, Burrow's calculated market value was six years with an average annual salary of $48.150 million, according to Spotrac. However, the floor has since risen with Jackson, Hurts and Herbert all now exceeding $50 million per season. Now, Burrow's projected market value, via Spotrac, sits at $53.7 million, which would once again reset the market.